Imaginary Friends
by Death In December
Summary: After How A Resurrection Really Feels. Peyton rethinks her life choices that she's made and decides she wants to fix them, but is it always that easy? LP
1. Imaginary Friends

All right here's another fic and much like the other one every chapter is based on a song from a certain CD. Instead of Coldplay I will be using songs from The Weight Is A Gift by Nada Surf and just because I love the song so much, I will be using their song "Inside Of Love", too. After hearing "Always Love" on one of the episodes of OTH, I decided to go get the CD and I'm really in love with it right now. Oh yeah and to settle a few things, I don't know if Peyton found her bracelet or not, because I wasn't paying attention, but if she did, in my story she doesn't find yet. And as strange as I thought the Peyton talking to herself thing was, I just had to use it. So to get right to the point I don't own anything and I hope you guys enjoy reading this.

* * *

_Hey, calling all imaginary friends  
today don't want no one  
to tell me how it ends  
took breathing for granted  
and now I don't know how to breathe  
_Imaginary Friends-Nada Surf

She was miserable; she was completely and utterly miserable. It was late at night and she was spending another night alone, but for once she was happy to be alone. She was tired, so incredibly tired, but she couldn't close her eyes and go to sleep. She wouldn't. If she fell asleep she was afraid her "self-conscience" would come back again. That was the very reason why she was kind of happy to be alone. She didn't need her bitchy self-conscience to start bitching at her again and nagging her to do what she thought was the right thing. God did she think she was going crazy! Her self-conscience bitching at her, how ridiculous did that sound?

"Should Lucas be with me instead of Brooke?"

What the hell… she didn't think that. Wait who the hell was she kidding, she did think that. Everything that her so-called "imaginary friend" as Brooke liked to call it was true. She made a mistake calling Brooke earlier. She should've known that Brooke just wouldn't understand. In a desperate attempt to get some type of comfort she called Brooke a couple of hours ago and tried to discuss the whole Ellie situation. Of course, Brooke had been so swamped in her own problems that she didn't have time for her own best friend's and that was the end of it.

Ellie… she still couldn't find the bracelet. She had stopped looking for it hours ago. Everything in her life was going so terribly wrong just when she thought it was all gonna be okay again. Maybe it was her fault… maybe if she wasn't so bitchy or pessimistic then she wouldn't be this depressed. Okay she admitted it, she could be a bitch at times… okay, lately all the time, but she wasn't this totally horrible person who took joy on other's suffering like some made her out to be. She was human, she was hurt, and she was sick of being lied to. Her father just told her that she was adopted less than a couple of months ago and her birth mother seemed like she had ulterior motives and was now on her deathbed. What was she supposed to be jumping for joy? Pretending like everything was okay? Because that definitely got old a long time ago, she got tired of doing that a long, long time ago.

She only had one person right now that she felt that she could truly trust and that was Lucas. If someone had told her several months ago that her and Lucas would be really close friends again she would've laughed in their faces, but now he was her most trusted friend. Okay, so maybe she did feel a little bit more than friendship for him, but could you blame her? She spent the whole summer with him, he opened up to her and she opened up to him. He showed her that he could be trusted again, he always knew the right things to say… and those eyes, he had the bluest eyes she'd ever seen.

And it hurt; it hurt that she knew that she couldn't have him. He was probably going to end up with Brooke again anyway. It seemed like he would always be out of reach or maybe their timing was just wrong, yeah maybe that was it. Besides, everyone thought she wasn't over Jake anyway. Truthfully, she was over him… she had a whole summer to get over him and she did. But that still didn't mean she didn't think about him because she thought about him almost everyday; she was worried about him.

Damn her self-conscience for actually having her lying on her bed and thinking about this. There were so many things that she wanted to change, but she was afraid that it was all too late. There was nothing she could do about Lucas and there was definitely nothing she could do about Ellie. Sure, she had her address, but she couldn't take that big step of going to see her. She was too afraid.

She didn't want to think anymore so she closed her eyes and attempted to get some sleep. She just wanted to go to sleep and forget about her problems for once.

"_Well maybe if you actually got off your ass and did something about them you wouldn't have any problems." _

Peyton let out a groan. As soon as she closed her eyes she heard her again. Maybe this wasn't happening, maybe she was just dreaming or something.

"_This isn't a dream goldilocks. You still haven't gotten your shit together and I'm just here to help." _

Peyton slowly opened her eyes to see her gothic self-conscience standing right at the edge of her bed.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were gone." Peyton buried her face in her pillow not wanting to see the image before her anymore.

"_Gone? Oh c'mon Peyton I could never be gone. I'm you, remember?"_

"This isn't happening." Peyton spoke into her pillow. She didn't want to look up.

"_Oh it's happening, all right. We've still got some things to settle."_

"I'm going to see Ellie." Peyton tried to reason with, well herself.

"_Yeah… on your own time, but there's something else that we could actually deal with right now."_

"Like what?" She immediately bit her tongue for actually asking that.

"_Like our favorite blonde boy, why of course. I know you've been thinking about him."_

Peyton finally picked her head up from her pillow, "Lucas and I are—"

"_More than friends," Her self-conscience said with a smirk, "I know… I know. I'm sure he feels the same way or maybe he doesn't you know, with Brooke and all."_

"Shut up." She said with a hurt look in her eyes.

"_What? Can't take what you dish out? Okay… I'll leave you alone… for now. You just remember, if you keep on lying to yourself and pretending like things are okay when they really aren't you're gonna be pretty miserable. But then again, if you didn't do that then what would I be here for?" She said with a laugh and with that she was gone.

* * *

_

_Hey, I'm bewildered  
and writing myself notes  
that say if you fake happiness  
then no one knows  
convince yourself  
and then you've got it made  
_

Peyton shot up from her bed and started panting for air, what the hell was that? She had another horrible dream. Why was this happening to her? Oh, she knew why it was all because she had to "fix" things. Too bad she just didn't know how.

"Peyton?"

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard someone call her name. She looked over towards her computer and saw Lucas sitting in her computer chair.

"Oh my god, Lucas you scared me." She clutched her chest and let out a sigh of relief.

"Sorry."

"So what are you doing here anyway?" She sat up on her bed so she could get a better look at him.

"I just came to check up on you… you know, see how you were doing."

She looked over at her clock, "At 2 AM?"

He laughed a little at her facial expression, "Better late than never, right?"

She smiled a little, "Yeah… I guess. So how long have you been here?"

"About a half hour."

She ignored the feeling in her stomach when she realized that he had been here just watching her.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah… you were talking in your sleep." When he had come over she had been sleeping peacefully, but it wasn't until a few minutes before she woke up that she had began to talk in her sleep. He noticed a look of fear appear on her face. He hadn't seen her look that scared in a while.

"It was nothing." She avoided his eyes, hoping that he would believe her and hopefully change the subject.

"It didn't sound like it was just nothing." He didn't get to hear much since her words were unclear, but from what he did hear it sounded like she was arguing with someone.

"It was just a bad dream. Everyone has them right?"

"Yeah… I guess." He decided to let it go now, hopefully she would eventually tell him about whatever it was that had her so shaken up.

She didn't know where this conversation was going, but she hoped that there would be a change of subject soon.

"Lucas." Her soft voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"What are you _really_ doing here?" Something had to be up. They hadn't talked in a few days and now he was here all of sudden to check on her. No matter how much she wanted it to be like that she knew he had another reason for being here.

A guilty look came across his face, "I'm that obvious, huh?"

She nodded, "Afraid so."

He shifted uncomfortably in the computer chair, "It's just—it's Brooke. She came to my house last night with this box of letters, she told me how she felt, and I forgave her."

Peyton resisted the urge to roll her eyes, "So what's the problem?"

"I don't know if what I did was right." He admitted. He cared about Brooke, he really did, but no matter what she did all he could think of was seeing her in bed with Chris Keller. Knowing that she slept with him was enough, but seeing them together just made it worse. He wasn't as hurt as he thought he would be, overall he was just disappointed. He was disappointed with Brooke, but he was more disappointed with himself. He was disappointed in himself for forgiving her so easily.

"Of course it was right, Lucas. She forgave us last year—"

"But that—what we had… it was different. I cared about you, Peyton. We weren't doing what we did just to be reckless. But Brooke… that's what she did and I can't help it, but whenever I see her I think of what she did with Chris."

"Yeah, but imagine how Brooke felt after she found out about us." She didn't know why she was trying to get him to run back to Brooke when that was the exact opposite that she wanted.

"Peyton—"

"It wasn't easy for her then and it isn't easy for her now. Lucas you already told her you forgave her… it's too late to take it back. Maybe next time you should think before you speak."

"I don't know what came over me."

"Guilt?" She asked trying to get a little insight on what he was feeling.

"You know when she told me that she loved me, I didn't expect to say that I loved her, too, but before I knew it the words just came out and I couldn't stop them."

Peyton avoided his gaze so that he wouldn't see the shocked look on her face. She couldn't believe that he told Brooke he loved her, or maybe she could. She knew it would come sooner or later, she just didn't think it would hurt this much.

"So," She cleared her throat as she tried to think of something to say, "Um… why aren't you with her now?"

"I told her I had to get up early for work."

Peyton arched her brow in response to Lucas' answer.

"Okay, so I don't have to work," He paused as he heard her let out a disappointed sigh, "But I just—I didn't know what else to say. I needed some time to think." He tried to defend his antics, but even he knew himself that he was in some serious trouble.

"Lucas do you realize how badly you've fucked things up? You can't go around telling girls that you love them and then have second thoughts."

"I know I fucked up, Peyton—I just… I wish things weren't so complicated."

She felt sympathy for the guy. The lost look in his eyes was enough to make her feel guilty. She just wished he never would've come to her for advice; she wasn't exactly the best person to give advice about love.

"Well listen, Luke. The best advice I could give you is to follow your heart. You either love someone or you don't. It's as simple as that." Out of everything she had told him during these past few minutes, she hoped that he actually listened to this piece of advice.

He shook his head, "You and I both know it's not the simple," He locked eyes with hers, "It never is."

Once again she turned her head from his eye-piercing gaze and looked at her wall. When she was finally ready to look at him again he was walking towards her. Once he reached her bed he sat on the corner of it where she was sitting.

"Thanks for this, Peyton. It really helped." And with that he wrapped his arms around her in a warm embrace. Closing her eyes, she wrapped her arms around him tightly and gently rested her head on his shoulder. She hadn't felt this at peace in a while. After another minute he reluctantly pulled away and stood up from the bed.

"No problem." She looked up at him and offered a small smile.

He nodded down at her, "Goodbye Peyton."

She waited until he walked out of her room to lie back down on her bed.

"Yeah… bye." She said to no one in particular. Her whole life was becoming a mess. Why did she feel so jealous all of a sudden? She knew this was going to happen Brooke and Lucas were going to get back together and she was sure somewhere on the other side of town Nathan and Haley were happy together, too. She just wished that she could be that happy.

_I almost wish you knew me better  
__Hey, calling all imaginary friends_


	2. Do It Again

_Well I snap to attention_  
_If I thought that you knew the way  
__I'd open my mouth  
__If I had something smart to say  
_

"Lucas are you sure this is the right way?" Peyton asked impatiently as Lucas drove. She had been fidgety ever since she sat in her car. She was in no position to drive so she let him do it. She was in no position to do anything since he was so nervous. She just wanted things to go well.

"For the 100th time in a row yes Peyton I know which way I'm going," He sighed and then added, his voice no louder than a whisper, "Especially after you made me read the directions to you so many times before we left."

"What?" Peyton's head snapped over in his direction. She had heard him mumbling and she wasn't sure if she liked what he had said.

"Nothing." He muttered as he slumped a little in his seat.

Looking over at him again she shrugged and sat up in her seat. As aggravated as she was with him right now she was glad he came with her. She didn't think she could do this without him.

She had been sitting in the same spot for what seemed like hours, but had only been minutes. She was sitting at the foot of her bed holding the paper with Ellie's address in her shaky hands. She didn't know what to do; this was like the hardest decision of her life. She should go see her and possibly be humiliated or should she stay home with her guilt-ridden conscience? It was definitely a lose/lose situation but she had to make a decision.

* * *

"_Hey."_

_The paper dropped out of her shaking hands and onto the floor. The sound of someone else's voice frightened her. She was a nervous wreck._

_Ignoring the paper and her nerves, she looked up to see who was calling her._

"_Lucas? What are you doing here?" _

_Shoving his hands in his pocket he walked over to her computer chair and sat down. He didn't exactly have an answer to that question._

_Noticing that he was silent Peyton decided to ask him again, "Shouldn't you be at school or something?"_

"_You should be, too. Peyton, what's going on?" She didn't come to school yesterday and he didn't see her in first or fourth period so he decided to swing by her house and see what was up. He knew she hadn't been herself these past few days so he just wanted to look out for her._

"_So what are you cutting?" She avoided his question._

"_No," He said noticing that she was avoiding his question, "It's lunch time, but that's not the point. Are you sick or something Peyton? I haven't seen or spoken to you since that night a couple of days ago and I was just wondering if you were okay."_

_She looked at him and saw the concern in his eyes; she even heard it in his voice, but she just didn't know what to tell him. Should she tell him what she was planning on doing? She wasn't even sure if she was even going to do it or not._

"_I'm fine, Lucas," Her eyes drifted off to the paper with Ellie's address that was now on the ground, "I just…"_

"_What? You just what Peyton?" He was nearly on the edge of his seat. _

"_I…" She trailed off again. She wasn't sure if she was ready to even do this. This whole thing was practically eating her alive and no one knew. She had enough… she had to tell someone, someone who would listen._

"_You can talk to me, Peyt. You know that." He assured her. _

_She took her eyes briefly off the paper to look at him. She knew she could trust him, she just didn't know how to get the words out._

"_I—I have Ellie's address and I wanna go see her." She blurted that all out so her series of words all sounded like one._

"_What?"_

_She took a deep breath, "I have Ellie's address and I need to see her, Luke. She's dying and I just… I wanna get to her before it's too late." She revealed. Telling someone made her feel a little bit better, but it still didn't take the burden off of her shoulders._

_Lucas sat back in the chair and took in the news. Judging by her facial expressions, Peyton must've been petrified about this whole thing._

"_Well when do you plan on seeing her?"_

_After bending down to pick up the paper and glancing at it again, Peyton knew what she had to do. She was going to see Ellie._

"_Today… right now." She decided and before she could protest he answered,_

"_Well then I'm going with you."

* * *

_

_I bought a stack of books; I didn't read a thing  
it's like I'm sitting here, waiting for birds to sing  
__Let's do it again  
come on come on, let's do it again_

She wasn't going to lie she did appreciate him offering to go with her. She needed someone with her for this so called journey and he was the only one that seemed to get what she was going through.

He made a quick glance at her as he drove. She looked tense. He knew she was nervous by the way she would play with her hands every now and then. They had been on the road for about a half hour and he figured that they would reach their destination in another half or so. He thought she was pretty brave for doing something like this. Going to see her dying biological mother despite their history or lack there of. He admired her courage. He just wished he had her strength and he courage, if he did, he wouldn't be in the situation he was in with Dan.

"There are some books back there if you wanna read them to pass the time." He offered. Before they left to get on the road they had swung by his house so he could leave his mom a note and get a couple of things.

"Thanks Luke, but I'm not really in the mood to read, you know? I'm not really in the mood to do anything to tell you the truth. This is all just surreal. I just keep on hoping that sooner or later I'll open my eyes and wake up from this all." She kept her focus straight ahead so she wouldn't see the look that she knew he had. That concerned, "see into her soul" look that he would get whenever she would tell him something rather personal.

"Peyt I know you're pretty much thinking how much your life sucks right now, but when things aren't going the way we want them to we've gotta do something about it right? So that's what you're doing… you're going to see Ellie. You're doing your best to make things better and… I admire you for that." Their eyes met right after the last words he had uttered. There was the look again and Peyton couldn't help but get lost in it. She quickly turned away when she realized what she had been doing. He was making her nervous and scared again… he was making her feel again and she wasn't sure if she liked it.

"I um… we need some music," She stammered, "Y-yeah. That's what we need, music." Her shaky hands found their way to the dial and went through various stations until she found a station she liked.

Lucas watched her out of the corner of his eye and saw that she was looking everywhere, but at him. She must've been nervous or something. Slightly shrugging, he stopped watching her and went right back to his driving. They were almost there since the next exit was the town Ellie had been staying in.

Peyton noticed this, too. Once she got a glimpse of the exit she shut her eyes and leaned back into her seat in a way to calm her. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

_I spend all my energy staying up right  
And I like the masking noise quiet of your breathing nearby  
Come on, come on, let's do it again_

"Peyton we're here." He said for about the tenth time in a row. They had been sitting in the car that was currently parked in front of Ellie's house for fifteen minutes, but she hadn't said a word since they got there. He was getting worried.

"I know," Frustrated, she ran her hand through her short hair, "I know."

"Well than what's wrong?"

"Luke what if she's dead or what if this isn't even the right address? I don't want to go over there and be humiliated. What if—"

"Or what if Ellie's in there and she's fine and all she wants to do is talk to her daughter?" He watched as her face softened. Hopefully, he was getting through to her.

"My point is you'll never know unless you try, right? We've already come this far." He could tell she was already giving in by the look in her eyes. His little speech of encouragement worked.

Sighing, she got out of the car and stepped onto the sidewalk. She walked slowly to the small house. Both fear and anticipation consumed her with each step. She felt her stomach churn; a feeling she would only get when she knew she shouldn't be doing something. She couldn't do this.

She turned around quickly and tried to bolt back to her car, but an arm pulled her back.

"Luke let's just go back home," She pleaded, "I can't do this."

"Yes you can," He said as he gently gripped on to her shoulders so that he was looking right into her eyes and then he added softly, "You can do this Peyton. I believe in you."

"Luke." She began, ready to start arguing any minute now.

"C'mon Peyt. You can do this, I'll be right in there with you."

She nodded and he finally released her from his hold. She turned in the direction of the house and took a deep breath. Lucas was right; she could do this. She walked up the steps and made her way onto the small porch. It was now or never.

She raised her hand to ring the doorbell, but then pulled it back. She needed to think. Was she really doing this? Was she really outside of her biological mother's home ready to see if she was dead, alive, or even living there? She turned and looked at Lucas for support. His gaze urged her to do what she had to do. Again, she rose up her hand, but this time she rang the doorbell. Some strange melody started to play for about a few seconds, but no one came out. They waited for a couple more minutes, but still no one appeared.

"Okay we've came, knocked on the door, and no one was home. So can we go now?" An exasperated Peyton replied. She was happy that no one answered and that she didn't have to face her fears, but she still felt a little disappointed. Okay, so she felt really disappointed, but what could she do?

Lucas sighed. He really wanted Peyton to be able to make peace with Ellie, but maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

"Yeah," He nodded as they both turned around, "We can go."

"I'm sorry Peyton."

"It's okay. I don't think I would've been able to handle seeing her anyway. Who knows—" She abruptly stopped her sentence when they both heard the sound of a door creaking. Before looking back at the house they looked at each other for both knew what was happening.

Peyton couldn't move. This wasn't happening, she thought she was home free.

"Peyton… Lucas. What are you guys doing here?" A surprised Ellie stood by the door. She didn't expect her daughter and her friend to be standing on her porch.

Peyton couldn't believe it. The woman that she thought she would probably never see again was standing a few feet away from her. She didn't look like she was extremely sick, hell she really didn't look too sick at all. Suddenly the resentment that Peyton thought had gone away was flaring up again and she didn't exactly know why.

Peyton stayed silent and not because she had nothing to say, but because she knew if she were to say something now it wouldn't come out in a nice way at all.

"We just came to see how you were doing." Lucas spoke for her.

"Oh well… that's very nice of you, does Larry know you're hear Peyton?" She averted her gaze to Peyton, who was still very much silent.

"No. He doesn't… he's back out to sea." She replied. The cold tone was evident in her voice. There was a growing tension between the two and Lucas couldn't help but notice it.

"Oh," Ellie said flatly, noticing the coldness of Peyton's voice, "You guys can come in if you want… you know, to talk or something."

"No. We've seen you and apparently you're fine so Lucas and me are going to go now." She grabbed Lucas' arm and began to pull him towards her car.

"Oww, Peyton! Peyton what are you doing?" He pulled his arm away from her death grip once they finally stopped in front of her car.

"We're going home, Luke." She stated as if he asked the dumbest question in the world.

"But she's here, Peyt. Don't you want to talk to her or mend fences… anything. You can't keep on doing this to yourself."

She shook her head, "I thought I could do this Luke, but I can't," She tried her best to hold back tears, "It's just too hard."

"Everything's gonna be fine. She just wants to talk to you… just five minutes, Peyt. We'll just stay for five minutes and then we can go."

She stared down at the sidewalk and then glanced up at him, "Okay five minutes and no more than that."

"Okay." He smiled as they turned back around. Luckily, Ellie was still standing by the door. Lucas gently squeezed her shoulder for support as they made their way back over to the house. The outcome of what was about to happen could go definitely go either way.

* * *

"Now are you sure you two are gonna be okay out on the road?" Ellie asked for the millionth time in a row.

"Yes." Both Peyton and Lucas said.

"Okay. You know I hate to sound like, well like a mom," Peyton laughed at this, "But it's getting dark and I just want you two to be safe." It was getting pretty late. They had gone into Ellie's house around 3 and now it was nearing 7:30. Five minutes had turned into four hours as Peyton and Ellie caught up on things.

Lucas had to admit, he had never seen two people, who at first seemed like they were going to bite each other's heads off, be so comfortable with each other the next. Things had definitely started off shaky, but by the end of their visit he was sure that whatever happened between Peyton and Ellie to get Peyton so angry with her was now forgotten.

"It was nice talking to you Lucas." Ellie stuck her hand out for Lucas to take.

"You, too." He shook her hand and then stepped off of the porch and went to stand by the car to give Peyton and Ellie their privacy.

"So kid I guess this is it."

Peyton smiled a little as she shrugged, "Yeah."

"You know Peyton I was thinking the holidays, they're coming up and I know you were telling me that your father won't be home until the week after Christmas. I wouldn't want you to spend Christmas alone and all so if you want to, now this is only if you want to, I don't want you to do this because I'm sick or anything, but you could come back here during the Holidays or something, just so you wouldn't have to be alone or anything. You know, just so we could talk some more since I don't know long I'm gonna be over here for and—"

"I'd really like that." She cut her off before she could say anymore. That was probably one of the nicest things someone had ever said to her.

"Okay," Ellie tried not to get too excited that she was actually getting somewhere with her daughter, "Good… so I guess I'll see you sometime next week or so." Peyton nodded.

"Yeah… take care of yourself Ellie." She added right before she turned around and went down the steps and onto the sidewalk. She walked over to where Lucas was standing and then both waved goodbye to Ellie right before she went into the house. Even after the door was closed Peyton continued to stare at the house. She was just so amazed at how things had turned out. They had actually turned out well and she couldn't have felt better.

"Well that went well." Luke spoke up after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah it did." She nodded as she finally took her gaze off of the house and onto him.

"So you ready to go home now?"

"Yeah." She whispered. She felt like she was finally at peace with herself.

She watched Lucas open both the car door for her to get in she sat in the passenger seat and waited for Lucas to get in. Once he finally got in she waited for him to start the car, but his phone started to ring.

"Sorry," He apologized as he took his phone out of his pocket and checked to see whom it was.

"Hello?"

Peyton turned her head and tried to busy herself with looking out the window so he wouldn't think she was listening in on his conversation.

"I didn't feel too good earlier so I decided to go home." He explained to the girl who was practically two seconds away from nagging him.

"You know what, I'm still kinda feeling sick, so I'll call you whenever or I'll just see you tomorrow." He tried to say that in the nicest way possible and without leaving her a chance to respond he hung up.

"Sorry." He apologized again as he started the car.

"It's okay."

He nodded as they pulled off and headed for the road.

"So I'm guessing that was Brooke on the phone." She could tell by the somewhat aggravated look on his face that it was Brooke.

"How'd you know?" He asked not once taking his eyes off of the road partly because of safety reason and because he didn't want her to see the look in his eyes.

"Eh… lucky guess." She lied.

"Well you were right."

"You didn't sound too thrilled, did you tell her where you were?" Her curiosity got the best of her. It wasn't like she wanted to know every detail that was going on with him and Brooke; she just wanted to know this one thing.

"If I told her that I was on a road trip with you she would never stop arguing with me about it. Regardless of what she says she still doesn't trust me enough to be alone with you so I guess it's better if we just keep this between us."

The tone in his voice told her to just agree and change the subject. He obviously was not in the mood to talk about Brooke.

"Okay."

"Hey Luke." She said after their somewhat long period of silence.

"Hmm?"

"You know with everyone pretty much doing their on thing lately I was surprised when you offered to come here with me—"

"Peyton—"

"And I really appreciate it you know? You being here with me because it helped… it helped a lot," Her voice cracked a little as she tried to hold back the emotion that she was feeling, "So I just wanted to say thank you. It really meant a lot that you came."

Breaking his gaze off of the road, he turned and got a quick glance at her. She didn't have to thank him; he came because he wanted to, because he cared about her.

"Peyton I—"

"Don't ruin it okay?" She forced a smile as she averted her gaze right back to the window.

A small smile appeared on his face as he nodded and then put his concentration back on the road.

_I spend all my energy walking up right  
And I like the masking noise quiet of your breathing me nearby  
when I accelerate I remember why it's good to be alive_

They had been on the road for 45 minutes and he had practically been in his own world just thinking. He had mostly been thinking about what Peyton had told him when they first took off about everybody doing there own thing… it made him realize how true that was. When was the last time he had actually had a real meaningful conversation with her about her life? They had been so close over the summer and he didn't want to lose that.

"I know you told me not to say anything Peyton, but I just—I just wanna let you know that I'm always going to be there for you… no matter what. I just want to be there you Peyt."

He was going to say more, but stopped when he felt an impact on his shoulder. He looked down and saw an asleep Peyton with her head on his shoulder and her arm wrapped around his. She must've not heard what he said, but he couldn't resist smiling at the sight before him. She looked so peaceful when she slept; he just hoped that she wouldn't have any nightmares tonight. Come to think about it he hadn't felt this at peace in awhile either. Spending the day with Peyton had been great; she made him feel okay to just be himself. He reached over and gently brushed some stray hairs out of her face as an overwhelming feeling came over him. He hadn't felt this way in a long time, he had buried those feelings or at least he thought he did months ago. He quickly turned his head and focused on the road again. He couldn't be feeling like this, he just couldn't.

_Maybe this weight was a gift  
like I had to see what I could lift

* * *

_

Well that's it for this chapter, thanks for the reviews you guys. I'm glad you're liking this so far so just continue reading and if you haven't heard of Nada Surf before I suggest you check them out, they're really awesome. Okay…enough band pimping I hope you guys liked this chapter.


	3. Always Love

_To make a mountain of  
your life is just a choice  
but I never learned enough  
to listen to the voice that told me  
Always love  
Hate will get you every time  
Always love  
don't wait till the finish line  
_Always Love-Nada Surf

The school day couldn't go by any faster for Peyton, but maybe that was because her mind was on something other than school the whole entire day. The moment she walked out of the school building it was officially winter vacation and she couldn't wait to leave Tree Hill and spend a not so lonely Christmas with Ellie. Her pace was fast as she hurriedly walk to her car. She just wanted to get home, pack, and wait for Ellie to pick her up.

"Peyton wait up!" Just as she had reached her car someone started calling her. Somewhat pissed, she turned around slowly ready to bitch out whoever was stopping her from leaving, but that attitude slowly started to fade since the person was now standing right in front of her.

Lucas frowned once he saw the expression on her face, the don't mess with me expression she would often get when she didn't want to be bothered or was just having a bad day.

"Sorry," He winced, "Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"Oh no, no. I just can't wait to get out of here and well, you kind of stopped me from doing that." She tried to get that out in the least rude way possible.

"Okay then I'll just leave you to whatever you were doing." He began to turn around with a dejected look on his face.

"No Luke you don't have to go," She gently grabbed on to his arm, "I can stay and talk for awhile."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." She replied as her thoughts instantly went back to spending the Holidays with Ellie. She knew that they weren't that close, but maybe the time that they would spend together would change that. She hoped it would.

"What's got you so happy?" He asked noticing the smile that was currently playing on her lips. He watched as her eyes lit up he hadn't seen her this happy in awhile.

"Oh its nothing." She didn't want to get her hopes out too high about her plans, for all she knew this weekend could just be another weekend from hell.

"Oh come on Peyt, you haven't been this happy in awhile so it has to be something."

"Lucas its nothing." She replied, but he would have none of it.

"I guess I'll just have to get it out of you the hard way." She leaned on the hood of her car and watched as a mischievous smirk appeared on his face.

"What?" And without another word Lucas began to tickle Peyton.

"Lucas!" She shouted in between a fit of giggles, "Lucas stop!"

"Not until you tell me what's got you so happy." He continued to tickle her.

"Lucas!" She laughed as she tried to get him to stop.

"I'll stop when you tell me," He began to laugh along with her.

"Well, well, well what do we have here?"

They both froze at the sound of her voice and immediately moved away from each other. They looked up to see Brooke, who had a mean glare fixed on both of them.

"Oh let me guess, it's my boyfriend and my oh so innocent best friend." She rolled her eyes at the site in front of her.

"Brooke we were just joking around." He hated that things had to be like this. He just didn't understand why hanging out with Peyton would cause such problems with Brooke. He had told her so many times that he wanted to be with her, why wasn't that enough? Why couldn't she just trust him?

"Yeah Brooke, it was nothing." Peyton tried to explain herself, but then again why would she need to? Her and Lucas weren't doing anything wrong; they were just playing around… like friends did. But then again this was Brooke she was talking about and if Brooke had her way she would keep Peyton away from Lucas at all times.

Brooke sighed, "I know… I know I'm sorry I've just been really stressed with the clothing line and—"

"You don't have to explain… look I'm gonna go and leave you two alone." Peyton excused herself from this beyond awkward situation and proceeded to take off in her car.

"Peyton you don't have to go." Lucas practically pleaded with her, but Peyton shook her head and just took off.

"Brooke we weren't doing anything." He tried to keep the peace.

"I know… you guys are friends." She said in a somewhat rude way before she turned on her heels and went the opposite direction leaving Lucas standing there on his own.

* * *

Peyton stood in front of her bed and stared at the bag full of clothes and everything else she thought she needed in front of her. Although she had checked the bag a number of times, she still felt like she was missing something. Muttering something quickly to herself, she finally zipped up her bag. She just hoped she had everything.

"Busy?"

Peyton turned around and saw Lucas standing in her doorway.

"Oh hey Luke."

"I've been calling you for hours." Okay so the truth was he only called her once, but in true Peyton Sawyer fashion she didn't hear him because of her loud music.

"Sorry… didn't here you." She nodded her head over to her stereo.

"It's cool." He said as he wandered over to where she was standing and took a seat on the edge of her bed.

"So is everything okay with Brooke?" She asked referring to what had happened a few hours ago.

"Things could be better," He sighed disappointedly.

"Is it because of me?"

"No, no it's not your fault," He assured her, "I'm sure she's just stressed out about the clothing line."

Peyton rolled her eyes and laughed at this. Now Brooke was her best friend and all, but she just thought that this whole clothing line thing came out of nowhere. She had never seen Brooke sew or make something a day in her life, but then again Haley ran off to be a singer a few months ago so maybe it wasn't so far fetched.

"What's so funny?"

"Only in Tree Hill." She mumbled as she moved her bag on the floor and sat next to Luke on her bed.

"What?"

"Brooke and her clothing line, Haley and the tour it's just strange, hell even me and Tric, I'm just starting to think things only happen like this is Tree Hill."

Lucas chuckled a little, "Crazier things have happened."

"Yeah," She nodded, "I guess you're right."

"So you know how Christmas is coming up?" He shuffled his feet and stared at the ground as he spoke. He knew his attempt to start a conversation was lame, but he didn't know how else to say this.

"Well duh Lucas," She laughed and expected him to laugh, too. But when she looked over at him he just looked kind of nervous, "Okay… sorry. Bad joke. Go ahead."

"Well Christmas is coming up," He started again, "And I know you told me a couple of weeks ago that your father's not gonna be here so I talked to my mom about it and I was just wondering—well, we were just wondering if you wanted to spend Christmas with us. You know so you wouldn't have to be alone or anything, but that's only if you want to."

Peyton looked over at Lucas and took in what he just said. She could've cried if she wanted to, but then again she wasn't one for tears so instead she threw her arms around him and thanked him.

Lucas, who was in a bit of shock, slowly wrapped his arms around Peyton. He didn't expect all of this.

Pulling away, she responded, "Luke that was really, really sweet and incredibly kind of you and you know any other Christmas or holiday or whatever I would jump at the chance to spend it with you and your mom, but I kinda promised Ellie that I would spend the Holidays with her."

She didn't know how she could go from a feeling of great joy to an overwhelming feeling of guilt. She felt so bad that she had to decline Karen and Luke's invitation, but she didn't want to disappoint Ellie either.

"I'm sorry, Luke."

"No, no don't be sorry… you shouldn't be sorry. You should spend the holidays with Ellie. It's great that you're getting to know her."

"Are you sure your mom won't mind?" She asked still feeling a little guilty.

"I'm sure."

"And you?"

"Nah… I won't mind and neither will my mom. We'll be fine so don't worry about us you just concentrate on having a great time with Ellie." Lucas was really happy that Peyton was trying to build up a relationship with Ellie. He was proud of her.

"So when are you leaving?"

"In a few hours actually. Ellie's supposed to come and pick me up." She nervously began to kick her bag around.

"Are you nervous?"

"Well yeah," She admitted, "What if she doesn't like me?"

Lucas suppressed a laugh, "Peyton you're acting like you've guys never met, let alone spoken to each other."

"Well we did get off on a rocky start in the beginning and she doesn't really know me all that well. What if when she finally does get to know me she doesn't like me and then we get into this huge argument and she kicks me out?"

Lucas laughed at her overactive imagination.

"What's so funny?" She asked, finding nothing about her problems to be funny.

"You're overactive imagination is what's so funny. I promise you that won't happen Peyton. I've seen how you two talked when we went to her house and it seemed like you two were hitting it off. You'll have a great time."

"And if I don't?"

"Well then," He stretched, "I guess I'll just have to storm in on my white horse and—"

"Shut up Lucas!" She laughed as she gently hit him.

"Okay, okay so I'll just come and get you… no white horses included."

She laughed, "Whatever dude."

"So when will you be back?"

"Um… probably after New Years if everything goes well."

"It'll be fine." He assured her as he stood up from her bed.

"Where are you going?" She asked, hoping that he wasn't leaving. She never realized how much she missed talking to him until now.

"I've gotta go home to get something, but I'll be back before you leave." He said and with that he was gone.

* * *

Peyton had been sitting on the front steps of her house for an hour. Lucas had told her that he would be back before she left so she decided to wait outside for him. Little did she know that she would still be waiting for him an hour later. She wondered what was so important that it couldn't wait until she got back. Standing up from the steps she made a move to go back into the house and wait inside, but the honk of a car horn stopped her. She slowly turned around hoping that it was Lucas, but instead it was Ellie. She ran down the steps of her house and walked towards the car, which held an excited looking Ellie.

"Hey kid, you ready?" She asked as she unlocked the car door so Peyton could get in.

Peyton looked down at her watch and sighed. What was she gonna do?

"We should get on the road before it gets too dark." Ellie suggested as she beckoned Peyton to get in the car.

"Can we just wait for five more minutes?"

"Sure."

Five minutes later and Lucas was nowhere to be seen. Shaking her head Peyton prepared to get in the car until she thought she heard someone calling her name.

"Do you hear that?"

"No," Ellie said while shaking her head, "I don't hear anything."

Peyton shrugged and opened the car door… maybe it was just wishful thinking. But before she got in she heard it again.

"Are you sure you don't here anything?" She asked her again. Ellie was ready to shake her head, but then she heard it, too.

"I do here some—"

"Peyton!" Lucas shouted one more time as he finally caught up to where she was. He had been calling her name repeatedly so she wouldn't leave yet.

"Luke what took you so long and what was so important that it couldn't wait until I got back?"

"Here," I gave her the small wrapped up box that he was holding, "I just wanted to give you this before you go."

Peyton looked down at the gift and smiled, "Luke you really didn't have to do this."

"Yeah… I did. It's something you're probably going to need, but don't open it until Christmas, okay?"

"How do you know that I won't open it before then?"

He smiled, "I guess I'll just have to trust you then."

Leaning over to hug him, she whispered in his ear, "Thanks Lucas. You're a really good friend."

Lucas stared at her as she pulled away… friend. Why didn't hearing that hurt so much now as opposed to before? He shook his head and quickly dismissed whatever he was thinking. This just wasn't the time.

"It's no problem, Peyt. You just have a good trip and don't open your gift until Christmas." She laughed

"Goodbye Lucas." She waved goodbye as she finally got in the car.

"Goodbye Peyton and Ellie." He waved goodbye to both of them and stayed there until the car was no longer in sight.

* * *

"So are you excited?" Ellie asked trying to start a conversation with her somewhat estranged daughter as she drove.

"About as excited as you are."

"Well then I guess you're excited then." They both look over at each other and shared smiles.

"Yeah." Peyton said softly as she put her attention back on the small box she was holding and Ellie noticed this.

"So that Lucas seems like a really nice boy." Ellie decided to ease up on the topic of Lucas.

"Yeah, he is." She said confidently.

"That was nice of him to come with you to visit me and that was really nice of him to give you that gift, he—"

"Okay I can see where you're going with this and to set the record straight Lucas and I are just friends." The last thing Peyton needed was someone else telling her how her and Lucas are more than just friends. She already had Rachel doing it almost every chance she got and not to mention her "self conscience" so she didn't need or want to add Ellie to that list.

"You know some time before I left town I told Lucas to look after you and it seems to me like he's been doing a very good job." Ellie was trying to get Peyton to admit to whatever she felt for Lucas, but Peyton would have none of it.

"Well Luke is a very good friend." She allowed.

Ellie looked over at Peyton and shook her head. She knew there had to be something going on between Lucas and her. She had seen it with her own eyes before they left, but whether or not they wanted to admit it was definitely up to them. She wished she could change that or make it easier for them since there was obviously some kind of obstacle in their way.

"Are you sure?" She asked giving Peyton one more chance to admit her feelings.

Peyton nodded, "I'm sure."

"You know Peyton, if you do have feelings for Lucas and you're just not telling him or acting on them because you're scared then that's a pretty shitty reason if you ask me. You shouldn't let your fear or others for that matter stand in the way of your happiness and if Lucas makes you happy then I think you should go for it." She offered the best advice she felt that she could give.

Peyton finally took her gaze off of the gift and busied herself with looking out of the window. She knew what Ellie said was right, but there were just some things that weren't meant to be immediately dealt with and she felt like her situation with Lucas was one of them. She was determined to have a good time away from Tree Hill even if it was only for a few days and that meant not thinking about Lucas Scott because right now all this talk about being just friends was only making things worse.

* * *

That's the end of that chapter and I hoped you guys liked it. Thank you so much for the reviews, they're awesome!


	4. Comes A Time

_Comes a time when,  
You can't judge no more  
Go outside, babe  
Can't see the storm  
I can't believe that  
We're really all good  
One of us has gone,  
They never should  
_Comes A Time-Nada Surf

Peyton slowly walked out of the small house and closed the door behind her. The closing door made an echo all through the now empty house. There was nothing left…. Everything was gone; she was gone. She sat on the steps of the house and tried to register everything that had happened. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't grasp it… she couldn't come to terms with any of it. Ellie was gone and she didn't know what to do. With a shaky hand she took out her cell and began to dial a familiar number as she reached the sixth digit she ended the call. Calling on him would be too much, so she dialed another number.

"Hey it's Brooke."

Peyton sighed, thank god for her best friend!

"Hey Brooke I—"

"You know what to do." Beep. It was just her voice mail.

Peyton rolled her eyes and closed her phone, so much for leaning on your best friend.

Flipping open her cell again Peyton dialed the number that she couldn't finish before. As soon as it started to ring Peyton silent prayed that someone would pick up.

"Hey it's me," She sniffed, "No, no nothing's wrong I just—can you pick me up?"

The tone in her voice warned him not to ask questions.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

* * *

Lucas turned around and watched his mom, Nathan, Haley, Whitey, and some other people talk amongst each other. His mom was throwing a New Years Eve gathering at the café. Brooke had been out of town since Christmas. She had been spending the holidays with her parents in California and wasn't due back until Sunday, which was two days from now. They talked everyday on the phone since she arrived in California. She would tell him what new thing she bought and every once in a while he would ask about it and pretend that he was interested. That's what he had been doing the last couple of weeks… pretending. Pretending that he didn't have a life threatening illness, pretending that if he played one more game of basketball it wouldn't kill him, that he completely got over seeing Chris Keller with Brooke… the list goes on.

Looking around once more, he made his way towards the door. Something didn't sound right in Peyton's voice. He hoped everything was okay with her and Ellie.

"Luke!"

Just when he made it towards the door someone had to stop him. He turned around and saw Haley standing in front of him.

"Hey buddy. So what's up, where are you going?"

Luke rubbed the back of his head, "Um… I've just got to um take care of something."

"Need any company?" Haley silently prayed that he would say yes. She couldn't take anymore of this party. If one more person came up to her and asked about going on tour or her music she was going to go crazy.

"Why? Nathan's not entertaining you enough?" He smirked and she hit him on the shoulder.

"Shut up," She rolled her eyes, "It's just all these people here are asking me about my music and the tour and it just gets annoying after the 50th time you know?"

He laughed, "I wish I could help you Hales, but this is something I have to do on my own."

"C'mon Luke," She pleaded, "I'll make it up to you big time if you get me out of here."

Lucas laughed at her begging. He loved seeing his best friend squirm.

"I can't Hales. I'm sorry."

She pouted, "Okay fine. Have it your way, but I'm gonna remember this Lucas."

Chuckling a little he shook his head and made his way out, "I'm sure you will Hales."

And with that he was out the door.

* * *

Peyton sat still on the steps with her head in her hands. An hour had gone by and she hadn't moved since. She didn't know where she went wrong. They were having a great time together for the past few days and then she woke up this morning and everything was gone. All that was left was a goodbye letter and an empty house. Ellie's prognosis wasn't really good so she took off to another town with the so-called "Best Hospital in the USA" to treat the cancer. She didn't want Peyton to worry she took off early that morning. Peyton had read the letter over and over and none of really made sense. She wasn't angry with Ellie, in fact she thought something like this would happen, but now that it did she was really hurt.

They had bonded so much over the holidays. The talked about their love for music, growing up, boys, and life experiences… they talked about everything that she never got to talk to Anna about, but most of all they bonded. She never knew how much she and Ellie were alike, but during that time she also saw the similarities between herself and her biological mother, despite that they weren't blood related. These past few days opened up her eyes and she wouldn't trade that experience for anything. She just hoped that wherever Ellie was that she was okay.

"Hey."

Peyton looked up and saw Luke standing there with his hands in his pocket and a solemn face. Not bothering to say anything she got up from the steps and started walking to the car. Luke stood and watched her somewhat broken figure walk to the car. He knew that she didn't want to talk, but he needed to know what happened in order to help her.

Sighing, he dismissed his thoughts and followed her to the car.

* * *

_I can't believe how  
Far we have gone  
One of us has none  
Now come along,  
Get up and tell the sun  
That you don't feel loved_

The car ride was silent with exception of the radio playing softly in the background. Peyton kept her gaze up ahead and Lucas kept his gaze on the road, but would stare over at her every once and a while. The car came to a screeching halt moments ago but neither of them bothered to move. Peyton was still in her registered shock and Lucas was trying to think of the right words to say. Finally after much debate, he decided to speak up.

"Goodnight Lucas." She beat him to the punch as she made a move to open up the car door, but Lucas stopped her.

"Peyton wait… aren't you gonna tell me what happened?" He asked desperately trying to help her.

"You wouldn't understand." She jerked away from his grip and got out of the car.

Lucas watched her walk away. What was wrong with him? He had to go after her; he wasn't about to let her slip away from him again.

Hurriedly getting out of the car he ran after her. She got as far as the steps to her house before he caught up to her.

"Peyton!" He called after her, but she just kept on walking.

He grabbed her arm to keep her from moving, "Damnit Peyton! Talk to me!"

"I can't." She said in a weak voice.

He grabbed her again and turned her around so that she was facing him.

"Something happened up there Peyton and it's obviously bothering you and I need you to tell me so that I can help you. Peyton please… what happened?"

She stayed silent as she felt her eyes brimming with tears.

"Did you guys have a fight? Is Ellie okay, did—"

"She's gone Luke!" She shouted in a mix of frustration, sadness, and anger.

"What?"

"She's gone… okay," He voice cracked, "She left some time this morning and I don't think I'm ever gonna see her again."

"Peyton," He whispered, his voice full of pain, "Peyt I'm so—"

"Please don't say that you're sorry. You know I'm not even that upset." She turned her head from his gaze so he wouldn't see that she was lying. She had to be strong.

"Peyton its okay to be sad about this—it's okay to feel." He tried to reach out to her, but she just moved away.

She shook her head and ran her hands through her short, blonde hair, "You know she was sick Luke—she was really sick. The whole time I was there she tried to pretend that everything was okay, but I could tell it wasn't. On Christmas Eve, she got so tired that she didn't even have the strength to get up and go to her own room. She tried to play it off and make a joke about how she was getting old, but whom was she fooling? There were even a couple of days that she went without eating and I guess I was just too caught up in my happiness to fully notice. That letter… it said it all. She lied to me. She told me that she was in remission, but she wasn't. She hasn't been in remission for the past couple of years so you know here we are, a few days after Christmas and this morning I wake up and there was nothing around me. There was just the stupid couch that I was sleeping on and a letter." Her last words came off as bitter, but he knew that she wasn't. He could see how hurt she was. Her face and her actions said it all.

"Do you know where she is? We could go on another road trip and find her, Peyton."

She shook her head again as a stifled laugh escaped her lips, "We can't Luke, she just disappeared."

"Well then we'll search for her."

"I don't want to."

"What?"

"I've spent my time with her and those were some of the happiest moments I've had in a while. So I'm a little angry, I have every right to be, but I'm not gonna go and look for her Luke. She wouldn't want me to. You know spending all of this time with her made me see how much we were alike. She's stubborn as hell and she loves to push people away and I'm like that, too. She's sick and it hurts like hell that this is happening, that I can't help her, but I have to accept it Luke. My life is a fucking train wreck and it's not gonna get better until I stop wallowing in my misery."

"Peyton." He knew she wasn't completely telling the truth. This was the girl that just practically broke down in front of him less than a few minutes ago and now she's suddenly fine. He didn't believe her. He just wanted her to say how she really felt.

_How long can you  
Keep circling round'  
Like Paris Texas  
'til she found out_

"Don't okay. Let's just… let's talk about something else, please." She pleaded as she sat down on the front steps of her house. She looked down at the ground and then back up at Luke when she realized he wasn't next to her.

"Anything… please." She looked up at him with a weak expression in her eyes.

He sighed as he took a seat next to her.

"So Luke anything interesting happened in Tree Hill while I was away?" She asked in a desperate attempt to avoid the Ellie situation.

"Uh not really. My mom's throwing this party thing at the café… you know for New Years Eve."

"So you left the party for me?" She asked with a small smile growing upon her face.

"Well before you left I told you that if anything happened I'd come and get you and I just want to be that guy for you. You know one that you can count on, one that can keep his promises, and one that'll always be there for you."

She lowered her head so he wouldn't see the faint blush on her cheeks, "Thanks Luke."

"Besides I was glad to get away from that so-called party. I could've died of boredom." He joked, which made her laugh a little.

"It couldn't have been that bad." She gave him a little nudge.

"Oh it was," He paused to look at his watch, "So the new year starts in a few minutes."

"Yeah… so you've got any New Years resolutions?"

"I've got a few, but there's one I'm gonna try to follow through with. What about you?"

"I don't know," She shrugged, "I guess… I want to be able to trust again."

He nodded, "Good one."

"What about you?" She asked referring to what he had said earlier about his resolution. The one that he said he would try to follow through with.

He sighed and then looked her straight in the eyes, "My New Years resolution is to follow my heart… see what's been in front of me all along."

Once again she avoided his intense gaze, "Well I hope that works out for you."

"Yeah," He finally tore his gaze off of her, "Me too."

She stayed silent for the next couple of minutes as she became wrapped up in her thoughts again.

"Hey, so did you ever get a chance to open that gift I got you?"

She covered her mouth with her hand as a feeling of guilt washed over her, "I forgot all about that!"

She hurriedly reached into her jacket pocket and took out the gift.

"Go ahead and open it." He insisted.

"I just wish I would've got you something." She said guilty.

He shook his head, "Don't worry about. You could always just get me a high five again."

She smirked at the distant memory, "Yeah…"

"Open it." He urged.

She nodded as she tore off the wrapping paper and opened the small box, which revealed a silver bracelet.

She picked the bracelet up and examined it. It was the same bracelet that she lost; it was Ellie's bracelet! She could feel the tears ready to fall and the overwhelming feeling of emotion that suddenly came over her.

"Lucas… oh my god! How did you—where did you?" She was speechless. She didn't know what to say.

He smiled in satisfaction. He was glad that she liked it.

"You left it in my room a couple of weeks ago and when I was cleaning it I found the bracelet right under my dresser. I wanted to give it to you sooner, but we hadn't talked and when we finally did we were on that road trip and I had forgot to bring it so I figured with Christmas coming up this would be a decent gift. So… there it is."

"Lucas I don't know what to say." She stared at him in disbelief. She couldn't believe he did this for her.

"Well you could give me that high five now." He said with lopsided grin on his face as he shrugged.

Without warning Peyton through her arms around him and hugged him tightly. Without hesitation he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her just as tight. He rubbed her back as he heard her hushed sobs. He knew this day had to be exhausting for her.

"Thank you Luke… for everything." She whispered as she clung to him. She felt so safe in his arms right now that she never wanted to let go.

"Don't worry about it." He whispered as she pulled away.

"I'm sorry," She sighed as she wiped her eyes, "I didn't mean to cry it's just—"

"You don't have to explain Peyt. You've been through a lot. You need to get it all out." He reached over and brought her closer so that she could lay her head on his shoulder.

"Yeah," She wiped her eyes again, "So… is it 2006 yet?"

He looked down at his watch as it struck midnight, "As of right now."

She nodded, "Happy New Year Luke."

He placed a chaste kiss on her forehead before replying, "Happy New Year."

They sat on her front steps for a few minutes in silence until Peyton spoke up again.

"I just wish… I wish I could've said goodbye," She spoke and then she added in a low voice, "They always leave without saying goodbye."

"Well I'm not leaving Peyt," He looked down at her and tilted her chin upwards so that she was looking at him, "I'm always gonna be here for you."

And whether she wanted to admit it or not he really was that guy for her. He was the one person she could count on and the only one that she knew would never leave her. He was always gonna be there for her no matter what.

* * *

Well that's it for this chapter. Sorry it took so long I've just been swamped with schoolwork. I'm already working on the next chapter so that should be here soon. Thanks for the awesome reviews guys.


	5. In The Mirror

_I look in the mirror to see what my hair is doing  
is it kind of sky walker or is it kind of stupid?  
But that's not the real reason I'm looking  
I need a reminder of what I'm doing  
I need a reminder that I'm human_  
In The Mirror-Nada Surf

Peyton stood in front of her mirror and stared at herself. It was Monday night and she had to go to school tomorrow; her first day of school since Ellie left. They had the day off because of the New Years Holiday and she was very grateful for that. She didn't know if she was ready to go back to school and face everyone. She wondered if it showed? She wondered if her emotional turmoil physically showed and that's why she was looking at herself in the mirror. She didn't know if she could do it; be strong and put on a brave front in front of her friends as she watched Brooke and Lucas and Nathan and Haley couple off and leave her to cope on her own. That's how she was used to handle things anyway, alone…

She let her mind drift off to one of the many late night conversations she had with Ellie over the Holidays. They would always sit by the fireplace at around a little past midnight and just talk. Their last conversation before Ellie took off that morning was the one that stuck with her. Even though they didn't know each other for so long, Ellie always knew just what to say.

* * *

_"__So Peyton ever since you've been here we've been talking every night. I hope my advice has been helpful because Lord knows I'm probably not the best person to give it." _

_"No you actually have been helping me a lot, Ellie. Before I came here, I was so afraid that we wouldn't be able to talk like we have been now. I actually thought you would either kick me out or I would take myself out after the first night." Ellie and Peyton both shared a laugh during her last words._

_"Yeah, but it hasn't been that bad, has it?"_

_"No, no not at all. It's been better than I expected. I've been having a great time."_

_"Me too, kid." Ellie offered a small smile to her daughter._

_"So like I said we've been talking a lot; we've been having conversations about everything a mother and daughter should, I guess, except for one thing." Ellie hinted._

_Peyton sighed; she knew exactly what Ellie was talking about._

_"And what's that?" She played along._

_"Your love life, Peyton. You're a beautiful young woman and I'm sure boys are practically falling at your feet."_

_Peyton let out a shy laugh, "Yeah right."_

_"Oh c'mon. You mean to tell me there's no one you've got your eye on?" She looked Peyton in the eyes hoping to get some kind of response, but Peyton just laughed._

_"This is embarrassing." Peyton laughed and soon Ellie was laughing along with her. It felt good to laugh with her daughter. It was something she wanted to do ever since she first held her in her arms but that was quickly denied. Now here she was laughing with her daughter and nothing felt better._

_"All right fine," She spoke once their laughter was over, "You don't have to tell me." She decided to play the disinterested card, hoping that that would get Peyton to spill._

_"Okay you're doing that parent thing." Peyton playfully accused._

_"What? I wouldn't know what is." She tried to play it off._

_"Oh yeah you do. You're doing the whole 'I'll pretend that I really don't want to know what she's thinking so then she'll just tell me herself' thing."_

_"All right you caught me," Ellie laughed, but then quickly became serious, "It's just I want you to learn how to be more open, Peyton. You can't close yourself off all the time. I just want to get to know the real Peyton. Not the one that hides behind her art or music, but just the real you."_

_Avoiding her eyes, Peyton nodded and looked down at the wooden floor._

_"Well there was this guy; there is this guy and we had a pretty interesting past. We were in love—well, at least I was in love with him, but we never told each other. So to make a long story short a lot of stuff happened and eventually I had to him go."_

_"Did you really have to let him go or were you just scared?"_

_She looked up at Ellie and nodded, "I was scared and I'm still scared, but I'm pretty sure he was scared, too. I mean what we had was scary—we had this strange, intense emotional connection. He was unlike anyone I've ever met and he was the first person to really see me. I mean me, not the happy cheerleader or the girl that hides behind her art, but me. Somewhere along the road we ended up drifting apart. I got in a serious relationship with someone else and that was the end of it. He's still around of course, the guy, but I just rather push those feelings away."_

_Ellie was impressed. Peyton had definitely been through a lot. She never knew teenagers actually felt like that or maybe what Peyton and that guy had was just rare._

_"And that other guy, did you love him, too?"_

_"Yeah, but it wasn't the same," And then she added in a low whisper, "They were different."_

_"Well that's certainly a lot to handle. Your heart has been through a lot—"_

_Peyton nodded, "Oh yeah…"_

_"When you let it feel." She locked eyes with Peyton and again she avoided them._

_"So you said that he's still around…. Why don't you just tell him how you really feel?"_

_Peyton just shrugged._

_"You said it yourself the feelings are still there."_

_She sadly shook her head, "I couldn't do that—we're friends now and he's involved with some else now, so I guess it really is too late." She sighed as the realization finally hit her. It was really was too late._

_Ellie placed her hand on Peyton's shoulder, "It's never too late. If you feel so strongly about this boy then it has to be worth something. Live life to the fullest, Peyton. You deserve happiness…"

* * *

__But two dreams have been damaged in life  
when you need so much you can't get it right  
who else is here today all the lonely can't obey_

She closed her eyes. She remembered that conversation well. She missed Ellie; she missed her so much, but she had to do what she had to do.

_"Hmm… I know what you're thinking."_ She heard a voice taunt her only it was her voice.

She opened her eyes and saw her gothic self-conscience standing right behind her in the mirror.

"Oh no." Peyton groaned. This wasn't happening again—why was this happening again?

_"Looking in the mirror again are we? I wonder if Lucas will like my hair better curly or straight?" Her conscience teased._

Peyton shut her eyes as she tried to get that annoying voice out of her head.

"Lucas doesn't care about stuff like that and neither do I so go away."

_"But that doesn't mean you weren't thinking about him."_

Peyton turned around, "Okay why are you here? I thought we were done. I, I made peace with Ellie and I found the stupid bracelet so what do you want?"

_"Again Peyton we're never done. Whether you want to realize it or not, I'm a part of you. So yeah you made peace with Ellie, big deal."_

Peyton glared at well, herself, "Big deal? Wasn't that the whole reason why you suddenly came out anyway?"

_"Well yeah, part of it, but you still have one more thing to do."_

Peyton let out a frustrated sigh, "I really, really need to seek some help. Maybe therapy isn't such a bad idea."

_"Oh believe me therapy won't help us, we're way passed that anyway… we're not crazy. We're just a little lost."_

"That's about the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Okay... you know what I think I am going crazy," She let out a bitter laugh, "I'm talking to myself."

_"What did Ellie tell you before she took off?"_

"What can I do to get rid of you?" Peyton avoided her question and asked her one of her own.

_"You can start taking Ellie's advice and start living your life."_

Peyton rolled her eyes, "Oh yeah because it's really that easy."

_"It's as easy as you allow it to be. You know you can really be a bitch when you want to."_

She let out a stifled laugh, "Look who's talking."

_"You are." Her conscience pointed out._

_I look in the mirror  
why am I complicated  
try to see clearer the sun has faded_

Peyton sighed. She could never win.

"Okay you know what? This needs to stop right now. I can't keep on seeing you and talking to you because it's weird and it's crazy. So just tell me what it is I have to do so I can get you to go away." She was just so frustrated. She couldn't take any of this anymore; she just wanted to be… happy.

_"Lucas." She said simply._

"What about him?"

_"Oh don't play dumb. You're still in love with him and maybe you thought that the feelings went away, but they never did. You buried them for a while and tried to find those same feelings with Jake, but it just wasn't the same."_

She sighed. She knew that what her conscience was saying was right. That's how she had been feeling for a long time now she just didn't want to face the truth and now she was being forced to.

_"I know you know that I'm right."_

"You're right, okay," She whispered coming close to tears, "But what am I supposed to do? He's with Brooke and he's happy—"

_"You don't know that." She interjected._

"Yeah, but I do know that Brooke's happy and I don't want to hurt her again."

_"You know what I have to hand it to us. We can be bitches when we want to, but we can also be damn good friends and selfless; we can also be selfless, but that's not always a good thing."_

Her self-conscience walked over to where she was standing and placed her hands on both sides of her arms.

_"If you want Lucas back you're going to have to fight for him just like he could've fought for you."_

"What do you mean?"

_"Oh c'mon Peyton. I thought we knew this, oh wait we knew this, but you just didn't want to face it. Remember when you found out Lucas called Jake? Do you remember how you felt?"_

"Grateful I guess."

_"Yeah you felt that, but you also felt disappointed. Disappointed because Lucas didn't actually step up and take care of you himself. Instead he had to call Jake to do it and why? Because you pushed him away of course, that's what you do Peyton you just push people away until they can't take it anymore and actually leave."_

"I didn't mean to push him away." She whispered.

_"You probably didn't mean it, but it happened and you did and now look where he is. He's with Brooke now and I know you think that there's nothing that you can do about it, but there is."_

Going against her instinct, which was not to say anything, she asked anyway, "What?"

_"Tell him how you feel about him."

* * *

_

She was convinced that it really was impossible to get some sleep. Sure it was only 8 at night and she wasn't used to sleeping this early, but she was tired. She tried doing one of her infamous podcasts, but that didn't work, and she tried counting sheep, but that didn't work either. In fact, it never did. She couldn't get her conversation, with well herself, out of her head. As much as she was an advocate for honesty, she hated facing the truth. Besides how could she ever tell Lucas how she felt if she didn't know how she really felt to begin with? She knew that the feelings she had for him were still there, but if she could only have him as a friend she could learn to live with that.

"Hey."

Peyton looked towards her door. She was surprised to see Haley standing by it.

"Hey." She finally got out. There was somewhat of an awkward silence as Peyton just sat on her bed with a million thoughts going through her head and Haley just stood by the door not sure where to move or what to do.

"Oh I'm sorry. Haley c'mon in."

Haley walked into to Peyton's room. Before sitting down, she took a look around her room and smiled. Peyton was always doing something different with her room.

"Wow, the room looks amazing Peyton." Haley admired as she glanced at the new art on the walls.

"I forgot you haven't been in here since… well since a little before you left."

"Yeah." Haley whispered.

"So what brings you here Scott? Did Brooke send you or something?" She asked as she sat up on her bed.

"Um Lucas actually." She hesitated a little before answering.

"What?" Asked a now beyond confused Peyton.

"Peyton I heard about what happened to your mom and I'm really sorry." She offered her condolences to her somewhat distant friend. Everything felt so awkward and she hated for things to be like this between them. They were so close before she left for that tour; everything was so much better before she left.

"Thanks Hales, but you don't have to say or do anything. Ellie did what she had to do," She assured her and then added with a weak smile, "I'm okay."

"No you're not. Look I know we haven't been all that close lately but I can still see past that little wall you're putting up."

Peyton looked over at Haley and just stayed silent.

"It's okay to be sad or angry about what happened." Haley got up from the chair she was sitting on and moved to take a seat next to Peyton on the bed.

"Hales you don't have to do this—"

"Hey it's gonna be okay." She leaned over and hugged Peyton. Peyton held onto her arm as she tried to resist the urge to cry, but a few tears came out anyway.

"I just want you to know despite what happened between us it's in the past, you know? I'm still here for you."

She nodded and pulled away from the hug, "Thank you Haley."

"It's no problem—that's what friends are for right?" She smiled.

"Yeah." Peyton said softly as she wiped under her eyes.

"So really Peyton how are you feeling?"

"I miss her, Hales. You know when I first found out that she had cancer I didn't think I'd be this sad when she ended up well wherever she is right now, but she's gone now, I don't know if she's alive or dead and whenever I think about her I start to cry." Her voice cracked on every other word as she fought the urge to cry.

"And that's okay, Peyton. I've never lost someone close to me—the closest I've come to that was when Lucas got in that accident and all I could think about was how we ended off on bad terms and whether he was going to wake up or not. I was so scared—it was all so surreal. Just thinking about losing someone close to me makes me scared and I know I don't know what you're going through, but I'm here if you ever need to talk or if you just want to take your mind off things."

"Thanks Hales and um, about my attitude earlier when you came back from the tour—I know I wasn't that friendly, hell I wasn't friendly at all, but I was taking my anger about people always leaving out on you. I know I was a huge bitch—"

"Don't say it Peyton. It's all right and it's all in the past. It's a new year."

"Yup a new year that's hopefully good for the both of us."

"Yeah." Haley nodded.

"But I'm sure things are gonna be great for you this year anyway since you and Nathan are back together again." Peyton teased as she playfully nudged Haley.

Haley blushed, "We're not completely back to what we were but it's getting there."

Peyton smiled. She was happy that Nathan and Haley had found their way back to each other. They were her beacons that true love did in fact exist.

"I'm really happy for you, too."

"Thanks Peyton."

"It's no problem Hales."

"See? I've missed this, Peyton."

She resisted the urge to laugh, "Missed what?"

"This… us hanging out and talking like we used to."

"Yeah now that you've mentioned it I've missed it, too, but at least we're talking now, right?"

"Yeah but dude we've gotta start doing this more often! Brooke is great and all, but I can't tell her about a book I read, or have heart to hearts with her, and I won't even risk trading CDs with her—"

Peyton laughed, "Sounds like I've been sorely missed."

Haley laughed and sighed, "Sorely isn't the word."

"Well I've missed you, too Hales. I haven't really been hanging out or talking with any of you lately so talking to you right now really helps."

"Well of course it does. After all Haley James Scott is still supremely awesome."

Peyton laughed, "Cocky much?"

Haley's eyes widened in amusement, "Oh please! What about you and you're 'sounds like I've been sorely missed'?"

Instead of getting an answer from Peyton she got a pillow straight to the face.

"Hey!" Haley hit Peyton back with the pillow.

"Dude!" She shouted after Haley hit her with the pillow. She wasn't expecting her to hit back. Nonetheless after a minute or two the two girls were laughing hysterically just like old times.

Once their laughter was over Peyton and Haley both lay on Peyton's bed just staring at the ceiling.

"Hey Hales." Peyton turned her head to look at Haley.

"Yeah?" She turned her head to look at Peyton.

"Have you ever—nah… forget it. It's stupid." She was actually contemplating telling her about seeing her conscience and all that other crazy stuff that had been going on, but she decided against it.

"Peyton I'm sure it isn't stupid. You can tell me." She assured her.

"Okay," She gave in, "Lately I've been having these… these dreams where my conscience is like talking to me and telling me what to do with my life."

"Wow," Haley said after a long silence, "That is pretty strange. So what did you guys talk about?"

"Well we would talk about Ellie and how I should make peace with her. I did that and after I did the dreams stopped, but before you came by I had another one, but we weren't talking about Ellie anymore." That's all Peyton would let herself say. She couldn't tell Haley about Lucas just yet after all Haley was Brooke's roommate and she wasn't willing to hurt her best friend again.

Haley nodded. She knew better than to pry right now.

"I wish I had dreams like that. Usually my dreams are about aliens taking over the world and oh yeah once I had the strangest dream about Lucas and Chris so compared to mine your dreams are pretty kick ass."

Peyton just laughed. That wasn't the response that she was hoping for, but it was times like these where she was really grateful to have a friend like Haley. She was definitely one of a kind.

"So how long do you plan on staying Scott?"

"Who knows Brooke was practically all over Lucas when I left so I don't think I wanna go back there anytime soon."

She quickly shook of Haley's comment. Whatever it was that Brooke and Lucas were doing had nothing to do with her anymore. She would just have to learn to ignore the slight pain she felt in her heart.

"Well speaking of Brooke, did Lucas tell her about what happened, too?"

"Yeah he told both of us at the same time, actually. She hasn't been by?"

Peyton shook her head, "No she hasn't, but it's okay. She's probably busy with her clothing line. She'll come around."

"You don't have to cover for her. If she wasn't so wrapped up in Lucas, her clothing line, and herself she would be over here and you know it."

Deep down Peyton knew that Haley was right about Brooke, but no matter what she would always give her the benefit of the doubt. Lately their friendship had been pretty one sided and while Peyton was conscious of this she always made some excuse for Brooke even though she knew it was wrong.

"I'm really surprised they're together, you know?" Haley changed the subject.

"Who?" She asked. She was so immersed in her own thoughts that she forgot what they were talking about.

"Brooke and Lucas." Haley watched Peyton's facial expression changed. Her mood seemed to darken as soon as Brooke and Lucas were mentioned and then it dawned on her.

"Yeah." Peyton turned her head back towards the wall.

"You still care about him don't you?" Haley asked softly.

"What? No Haley that's crazy." She denied it.

"You know just because Brooke's my roommate doesn't mean I can't see what's right in front of me. You and Lucas had a strong connection. Remember that day on the rooftop when you told me that you were in love with him?" She tried to reach out to her and get a glimpse of her feelings, but Peyton remained guarded.

Not taking her gaze off the wall she replied, "Lucas and I are just friends."

"Whatever you say." Haley sighed and went back to staring up at the ceiling.

"Hey Hales." Once again she turned her head to look at Haley.

"Hmm?"

"Whenever Brooke and Lucas are doing… whatever, you can always crash here if you want. I'm sure sleeping on the couch isn't much fun." She offered.

Haley smiled and nodded, "Thanks Peyton."

"No problem." She whispered as she turned back on her side and thought about their conversation. Was it that obvious? Did it show on her face now? Could everyone see that she had feelings for Lucas? How come everyone could see it, but she still couldn't understand it? She was all over the place and with everything that had happened in the past few days she wasn't sure if she would ever be okay again.

_In my dreams I look through a  
snowstorm in the night  
the windows open wide  
here comes your frantic lie_

* * *

All right that's the end of that chapter. Once again sorry it took so long, school has been murder. Thanks for the reviews; they really keep me motivated!


	6. Concrete Bed

_The world's locked up in your head  
you've been pouring it a concrete bed  
your habits ossify  
you don't realize you're fried  
_Concrete Bed-Nada Surf

She had gotten through 3 successful days of school without shedding a single tear in front of anyone and she had successfully avoided her friends. She barely went to her locker, she arrived at her classes just on time and exited as soon as the bell rang, and she was never around during lunchtime either. Basically she secluded herself—she even skipped cheer practice. She just didn't want to hear the series of questions she knew that they were all going to ask her, but the thing that got to her the most was that none of them had really gave it an effort to go talk to her. Maybe they thought she needed to be alone and as much as she would've liked that, she knew that that was the last thing she wanted to be.

It was a Friday, a cold and windy Friday and it was also the end of the day. Peyton couldn't wait to get out of school and just go home. She hadn't remembered the last time she wanted the week to be over so badly, but the point was that she did. She had just put the last book in her locker when she closed her it, turned to her right and spotted a cheerful Nathan and Haley walking her way. Maybe they didn't see her, yet. Hoping that they didn't, she prepared to turn the opposite direction, but when she did she saw Brooke and Lucas coming in the same direction. She had gone through three days without this happening and now at the very end of the last day of the week they both were coming towards her and she had no way out of it.

She sighed as she leaned the back of her head against her locker and just waited for both of the couples to come over to her. Damn the school system for having the lockers set up in alphabetical order!

"Hey Peyton!" Haley said cheerfully as she and Nathan reached her locker.

"Hey Haley… Nate." She acknowledged them and silently prayed that Lucas and Brooke would just turn the other way.

"Sorry about your mom." She heard Nathan say, which caused her head to shoot up.

"Nathan!" Haley hissed as she nudged him in his side.

"Ow! Haley I was just saying sorry." Nathan glared down at his wife.

"I know, but can we not do this in a crowded school hallway?" Haley asked trying to be considerate of her friend's feelings.

Peyton just stood there laughing at the sight before her. Nathan and Haley were truly meant to be and it just amused her when they would bicker.

"But Peyton doesn't mind." Nathan pointed out.

"Peyton you don't have to—"

"No it's fine, really. You two are funny when you argue."

"Well I'm glad it's funny to someone." Nathan mumbled, which caused the two girls to laugh, but the laughter stopped when another couple joined in.

"P Sawyer I'm so sorry!" Brooke practically pushed her way through Nathan and Haley and tightly embraced Peyton.

"And about a few days too late." Haley mumbled as she cast her sympathetic gaze on Peyton.

"Brooke it's okay," She said as she pulled out of the hug, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? I know Ellie meant a lot to you."

Something about Brooke's comment made her kind of angry. She knew Ellie meant a lot to her? Did she really? After she went on the road trip with Lucas to find Ellie, Brooke, her own best friend had been nowhere to be found, so how could she possibly know?

"Yeah she still does." She whispered as she took her gaze off of Brooke and on to an out of place looking Lucas. She had actually missed him the most these past few days.

She looked over to her right and saw Brooke chatting with Nathan and Haley, so she moved over to where Lucas was standing and took the opportunity to talk to him.

"Hey." She said, as she stood right next to him.

"Well if it isn't the invisible girl," Luke joked, which made her laugh, "I haven't seen you around in days."

"Yeah well I've been around."

Lucas gave her a questioning glare.

"Okay… so I haven't really been around. I just didn't really want to see anyone… or have this happen." She confessed.

"Have what happen?"

She looked up at him, "You and Brooke and Nathan and Haley."

"Okay that can't be easy, but if you ever need someone to talk to you can always call me Peyt, you know that." He assured her and she nodded.

"Yeah." She said softly as she let her mind drift off to something else.

He sadly looked down at her. As many times as she would say she was okay, he just couldn't bring himself to believer her yet. Sometimes she just looked so broken and he wished that he could fix that.

"So how's everything holding up?"

"Honestly?" She asked knowing that there was no point in lying to him.

"Yeah."

"Not too great, but they're getting better."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"So you're gonna be okay?"

She laughed at all the repetitive questions he was asking; "I'll be fine Luke so you can stop worrying about me."

"But you know that you can call me if you need anything, right?"

"Luke!"

"I can't help it," He shrugged as she continued to laugh at him, "You know I love being that guy for you."

She smiled a little as she looked up at him again and added softly, "Yeah I bet you do."

"So boyfriend are you ready to go?" Brooke said with a hint of jealousy as she moved from where she was standing so that she was now in between Lucas and Peyton. She had tried her best to distract herself from their conversation, but once again her insecurities were getting the best of her.

"Um…"

"Nathan and Haley are coming with us, too." She added, but Lucas was still stalling.

"Peyton you should come with us." Haley offered. Peyton appreciated it, but it was the last thing she wanted any one of them to do.

"Yeah." Lucas chimed in and Nathan nodded, leaving all eyes on her.

What could she say? That she didn't want to feel like the fifth wheel? That she couldn't take seeing Brooke and Lucas together? That she just wanted to be alone? None of those excuses sounded like they were any good. What could she do?

"Hey Peyton." Everyone's eyes averted from Peyton to the voice that called her. They all looked over and saw Rachel.

"And Lucas, Nathan, Haley," She greeted before setting her gaze on Brooke, who was currently glaring her. She rolled her eyes and turned back to Peyton as if Brooke didn't exist.

"I was wondering if you had the American History notes… I missed first period." Not even bothering to wait for Peyton to respond she pulled her over to where her locker was.

"What gives Rachel? We're not even in the same class!" She said once they were away from the others. Peyton folded her arms over her chest, as Rachel did nothing but smirk at her.

"I'd like to think that I was saving your ass. You didn't look too comfortable over there." She said as a matter of fact, which left Peyton silent.

"Listen I heard about what happened to your mom and—wait let me rephrase that. I made it sound like she died and I know she didn't, but—" Rachel abruptly stopped talking once she saw the weird look Peyton was giving her.

"Okay… as you can see I'm not really good with this type of thing and I was gonna say sorry, but now that I think about it that doesn't make much sense seeing as I don't know you well enough to be sorry… okay now I'm rambling, so I guess the only thing I have to offer right now is honesty."

"Honesty's good." Peyton didn't know much about Rachel, hell the only thing she knew about her was that they had the same taste in music, but that was it.

"Good." Despite that Peyton was Brooke's best friend Rachel thought that she was pretty cool. She just didn't understand why Peyton would consider Brooke her best friend in the first place. She hardly saw them hang out together, but maybe it went deeper than that.

"P Sawyer are you coming?" They both turned at the sound of Brooke's voice. Brooke, Lucas, Nathan, and Haley were almost on their way out of the doors.

She bit her lip and looked between Rachel and Brooke, "Uh… actually Rachel missed a really important lesson in American History today and if I don't explain it to her she'll be really behind so I think I'll just stay here and help her for awhile."

"You heard her Brooke." Rachel smirked.

Brooke frowned and glared at Rachel as she pretended to be nonchalant about what just happened, "Ok."

Haley and Nathan waved goodbye as they followed Brooke through the doors. Lucas was the last one out, but before he left he had a lingering gaze on Peyton.

"Hmm… I thought we weren't in the same class." She smirked.

"Yeah, well I'm not exactly in the mood to be the fifth wheel."

Rachel nodded, "No need to explain… so what was that I saw just a minute ago?"

"What was what?" Peyton asked as they started walking down the hallway.

"You and Lucas—he was staring at you before he left."

"No he wasn't."

"Uh yeah he was."

"Well nothing's going on if that's what you're getting at." She suddenly got defensive.

"I wasn't getting at anything," She said innocently, "Unless there was something going on."

"Okay I know what you're doing," They stopped walking once they got outside, "And I appreciate you getting me out of that rectangle plus one hell that was going on, but what does any of that have to do with me and Lucas?"

Rachel sighed. She remembered having a similar conversation with Lucas, who was still unbelievable clueless about his feelings for Peyton. She just hoped that Peyton wasn't the same way.

"Peyton you're a smart girl and since this is a pretty small town gossip travels fast… and I know you know that so I'm just gonna get to the point. It's pretty obvious that you have feelings Lucas and even though he's probably about the most oblivious person I've ever met he probably feels the same way about you, too."

Peyton shook her head, "I don't know what you're talking about."

She looked her directly in the eyes, "Yes you do. I can see it, Haley can see it, Nathan can see it, and whether she wants to admit it or not Brooke can see it, too. That's why she's always so insecure all of the time because she knows that you and Lucas share something that's deeper than anything she and Lucas could ever have."

Peyton broke their eye contact. She didn't like it when the truth was shoved her in face like this.

"Can we change the subject?"

_The reason's somewhere in the din  
but it takes years 'til it sinks in  
you've used up the easy streets  
and you lost your taste for treats  
so fried…_

She sighed. Just when she thought she was finally getting somewhere Peyton had to go all soft on her.

"Fine… you know that friend of yours—if you still call her that can be a real bitch."

"Brooke?"

"Yeah." She said as they started walking again.

"Yeah well she isn't always like that."

"Are you sure about that? You're lucky you weren't there when she was running that sweatshop in her apartment."

Peyton let out a loud laugh, "What?"

"Yeah it's a long story," They stopped walking once they reached Peyton's car.

"What were you doing there?" She asked, still amazed at the thought of Brooke running a sweatshop.

"I didn't trust her, so I just went there to make my own dress, but I must admit there were some really good pieces from some sketches on some of the shirts. It almost made them look wearable."

"Yeah I let Brooke borrow some of my sketches."

"Borrow?" She raised her brow, but got no answer from Peyton, "Okay whatever… why do you let her do that?"

"Do what?"

Rachel resisted the urge to roll her eyes. There was that oblivious nature that almost everyone in Tree Hill seemed to have.

"Peyton you're a pretty cool girl. You seem like the type to stand your ground and fight for what you believe in, but when it comes to Brooke you're always letting her push you around and that's not right. That isn't a friendship."

"You don't know what happened between us last year." She responded guiltily.

"You mean you and Lucas going behind her back when she knew that Lucas liked you to begin with and that you liked him, too? I told you Peyton gossip travels fast."

She knew most of the things Rachel was saying were right, but she didn't know how to respond to that.

"She was there for me when my mom died and that meant a lot."

Rachel saw the hurt in her eyes and decided to back off, "Okay… I'll stop now. You're so-called friendship with Brooke is non of my business, but on to happier notes I'm having a party tomorrow night and you're invited."

"Oh really?"

She shrugged, "Well yeah. I figured you probably want to blow off some steam after what's been going with you these past days and on top of that I think you kick ass Sawyer, so just be honored and stop by."

Peyton smiled, "All right!"

She laughed at Peyton's enthusiasm, "You know where I live right?"

"That big ass house on the corner of Maple Drive?"

Rachel laughed as she shook her head, "Yeah that's it. You can tell everyone you know… even Brooke."

"What?" She asked in shock.

"I'm feeling generous." She shrugged. They said their goodbyes and she just stood there watching Peyton drive off. The wheels were turning in her head already. She was going to get them to open their eyes tomorrow at her party, she was sure of it.

* * *

Peyton had been standing in her closet for the last hour looking for something to wear to Rachel's party tomorrow night. To tell you the truth she didn't really feel like partying, but Rachel seemed like a pretty cool person and she didn't want to decline her offer. Besides, maybe the party would help her take her mind off of Ellie. She was sick of worrying about her. She just wished that she knew where she was, she wanted a letter or a phone call or something, anything to know that she was all right, but that would be asking for too much.

She sighed as she looked through her closet and absent-mindedly began turning down any possible outfits she could wear. She was never really good at this sort of thing… maybe she should just do what she always used to do before parties, look for something to wear at the last minute that way she couldn't change her mind or think about it too much.

"Is it safe to come in?" She heard a voice shout. She turned around and saw Lucas trying to walk through her room, but his attempts were in vain because of all the clothes that were now sprawled all over the floor.

"Sorry Luke!" She shouted from her closet.

"It looks like the GAP just exploded in your room." He said with a slight laugh as he finally reached her closet.

Her eyes widened with amusement at his comment, "Shut up!"

"What the hell are you doing in here? I never knew you owned so many clothes." He looked down at the growing mess on the ground.

"Well we're not all like Lucas Scott who wears that gray hoodie or that red shirt everywhere he goes, now are we?"

"Ouch." He replied in defeat.

"I'm just joking," She laughed as she walked out of her closet and then added, "I love that red shirt—you wore it the day we had our first conversation—or when you picked me up, whatever you want to call it."

Lucas curiously followed her out of her closet. He was impressed. He didn't think she remembered that, honestly he didn't think she remembered much about their short time together, but she did and that made him happy.

"You remember that?" He sat on her bed as she began to pick up the clothes from the floor.

She stopped what she was doing to look at him, "Yeah… don't you?"

He rubbed the back of his head uneasily, "Of course I do. I just didn't think you did."

He watched her throw all of the clothes back in her closet and then walk out again.

"I'll clean that up later." She said as she closed up her closet doors and took a seat on her computer chair.

"What made you think I didn't remember? I remember a lot more then you think Luke."

"Oh yeah?" He playfully tilted his head upward, which made her laugh, "Try me."

She laughed, "How about we save that for another time, deal?"

He nodded, "Deal."

"So what brings you here, Scott?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing."

She nodded, "What? Did your double date go horribly wrong or something?"

"That's not the reason why I came by and if you must know we didn't go anywhere. Nathan and Haley wanted to be alone and I did, too so we all just went our separate ways."

"And Brooke didn't mind?"

"She was a little upset, but she said she had to work on her clothing line so I guess she's okay."

Peyton laughed at the clueless boy in front of her. Rachel was right; Lucas could be very oblivious at times.

"And you believed her? Lucas you are about the worse boyfriend ever!" She laughed as Lucas sat there in confusion.

"What? I just thought she'd be busy and she didn't really seem mad… okay you're right I am the worse boyfriend ever." He could mentally kick himself! Why was it so hard to read Brooke and so easy to understand Peyton? He never had this problem with her. He was always knew what she needed or wanted, with the exception of a couple times, but with Brooke he just didn't know. What was he doing? Was he really sitting here arguing with himself about Brooke and Peyton? He had to stop doing that—it wasn't right and it wasn't fair to them.

"It's all right Luke, I'm sure you'll get better at it, but on to more important things what's that in your hand?"

Luke snapped out of his thought and looked down at the book he had in his hand.

"Oh yeah this is for you," He got and handed her the book, "It's Dorian Gray."

She glanced at the book before opening it.

"It's a really good book." He said reluctantly, hoping that she'd like it.

"Eh… I'm not really into that whole sci-fi thing, but oh hey look! You dog-eared some pages for me and you underlined! Dude you shouldn't have!" She replied suddenly more interested in the book then she was a minute ago.

He stifled a laugh, "Yeah, all of the good parts are underlined, but the whole book is really good so I recommend reading the whole thing."

"You think every book is good Lucas." She said while she flipped through the pages. From what she had skimmed over so far this book seemed to be about art reflecting the soul. Lucas knew her all too well.

"Okay that may be true, but when I started reading this it made me think of you—"

"A boy who wants to stay young forever, but grows up to be a horrible person reminds you of me?" She joked.

"No not like that!" He said with an embarrassed tone, "Just look at the dog-eared pages and you'll get it."

She set the book over to the side, "Thanks Luke."

"No problem," He paused as he looked around the room, "So what was up with all the clothes on the ground?"

"I was trying to find something to wear for Rachel's party tomorrow. You going?"

"Probably."

"What about Nathan and Haley?"

"Almost the entire school is going, you know with the exception of Brooke."

"But she's invited."

"Yeah but you know how Brooke is."

"And she's letting you go?"

"I guess," He shrugged, "Why? Should it matter?"

"Well yeah. She hates it when we're even remotely near each other, did you see the way she got between us earlier at school, so you being around Rachel is probably going to make her really upset."

Lucas hadn't thought of that at all, but it didn't matter. He missed spending time with Peyton, and Nathan and Haley. Brooke had had him tied up so much that he wasn't "allowed" to be alone with Peyton he could barely talk to Nathan, and the only reason why he had time for Haley was because she lived with Brooke. His life seemed so crowded and hectic; maybe being in a relationship just wasn't good for him right now or maybe it was just being in one with Brooke...

_To find someone you love  
you've gotta call your own bluff

* * *

_

Okay that's the end of this chapter and maybe some of you are asking yourselves why the hell did you end this chapter like that and the reason for that is because there are big things for Lucas and Peyton coming up in the next few chapters. It's time to get the ball rolling and what better way to do so than at Rachel's party? Thanks for the reviews. I really enjoy reading the wonderful comments! Until next time…


	7. Blankest Year

_Oh fuck it, I'm gonna have a party  
__Oh fuck it, I'm gonna have a party  
_The Blankest Year- Nada Surf

So here it was, the so-called "big night" was finally here. After throwing on whatever she thought looked good and convincing herself that she needed to have some fun for a change, she was finally out the door. She got in her car and drove accordingly to where the directions said and ended up at Rachel's house. Her house was huge, it was like a fortress or something, and the music was so loud you could hear it even if you were blocks away. She stepped out of her car and walked up and into the open door. She hurriedly dodged and pushed through the what seemed like endless drunk teenagers and tried to find a friendly face or even a keg, but so far she had nothing.

She must've been really over the party scene since nothing even seemed the least bit exciting or alluring. She kept on walking through the crowded house until she reached the somewhat empty, compared to every other part of the house, livingroom. She walked into the living room and was surprised to see Haley, Nathan, and Lucas sitting together on one of the couches that was slightly away from all of the craziness.

"So I'm guessing this is where the party's at?" Peyton joked as she made her way over to them.

"Peyton!" Haley shouted happily.

"Hey." Lucas and Nathan both greeted as Peyton took a seat on the arm of the couch where they were sitting.

"So how long have you guys been here?" Peyton asked.

"A little too long if you ask me." Haley scoffed as she rolled her eyes.

"We've only been here for 20 minutes." Nathan interjected, which made Peyton laugh.

"Oh come on Hales it can't be that–"

"Oh my god! Heyy guys!" A drunk Bevin struggled to keep her balance as she came near the foursome.

"Uh... Bevin don't you think you've had enough?" Peyton asked, referring to the cup on Bevin's hand.

"Oh no... I'm not drunk. Beer only has 5 alcohol." She slurred as she stumbled away from them.

After a long moment of silence the four burst out laughing.

"Okay... maybe it is that bad." Luke laughed.

* * *

An hour later the group were sitting on the couch, laughing and having a good time. It felt just like the old times when they used to hang out. It felt good.

"Hey guys I'm glad you made it!" Rachel came over to the four. This was the first time any of them had seen her all night.

"Hey Rachel." They all mumbled.

"This is an... interesting party you've got going on here." Haley chose her words carefully as she spoke this time.

"Yeah everyone's pretty much off doing their only little thing, like you four," Rachel paused as she noticed something, "Hey... there's only four of you. Where's Brooke?"

"She um, she's sick." Luke spoke.

"Hmm... that's funny," Nathan rubbed the back of his head, "I remember her saying something about she'd rather cough up a liver than–"

Haley nudged Nathan on his side and replied forcibly, "She couldn't make it."

"Ow! What was that for?" Nathan asked as the group glared at him.

"Whatever." He mumbled with folded arms across his chest.

Rachel stifled a giggle at the little scene before her, "Well whatever the story is it's too bad she couldn't make it. She's really missing out on an awesome party."

The four stared at Rachel in awe, had she said something even remotely civil about Brooke?"

"But then again... this party is much better without her anyway. We wouldn't want a drunk Brooke Davis stumbling around my house and making a fool out of herself–oh wait, maybe we would. Damn! That would've been some quality entertainment." She laughed at her own antics.

Peyton laughed at Rachel's comment. Rachel and Brooke were so much alike and it was hilarious to her whenever they would fight.

"And speaking of entertainment... I'm thinking we need to spice up this party a little bit. You know, bring everyone all together? I'm sure a good game of truth, dare, or drink would do that. You guys in?" You could already see the wheels turning in Rachel's head as her eyes brightened up with mischief.

"Um... Nathan and I are actually gonna get going now." Haley eased her way out of the messy situation she could already see happening.

"We are?"

"Yeah... we are." She gripped Nathan's hand as they both stood up from the couch.

"Well that's too bad." Rachel pouted.

"You guys need a ride?" Luke asked.

"No we can walk," Haley looked up at Nathan for conformation.

"Yeah... it's cool man." He nodded.

"Nah, I couldn't let you guys do that," Luke reached into his pocket and took out his car keys, "Here... take them."

"No, Luke we're fine." Haley protested.

"No Luke is right," Peyton interjected, "You guys take his car and Luke can ride back with me."

"Okay," Luke pushed the keys into Nathan's hand, "It's settled then you two take my car and I'll ride back with Peyton."

"Thanks Luke." Haley said. Nathan and Haley both said their goodbyes to Lucas, Peyton, and Rachel and were soon out the door.

"I wonder what made them leave so quickly?" Peyton wondered out loud.

"It could be the game." Luke suggested.

"Or it could be something else..." She trailed off.

"Okay yuck." Both Peyton and Luke made a face and then started to laugh.

"And then there were two," Rachel's lips curved into a devious smile, "So are you guys in?"

Lucas and Peyton both exchanged hesitant glances at each other before deciding what to do.

"I'm in." Peyton stood up from the couch and stood next to Rachel. As much as she hated party games she figured she needed some fun in her life.

"Good choice Peyton... now all that leaves is one." Now, both girls were staring down at Luke, waiting for him to make a decision.

Luke shrugged. He didn't really feel like playing this stupid game at all and he didn't feel like watching his peers either humiliate themselves or get piss drunk. He wasn't even sure why he was at this party, he could've been at home reading a book or something...

What was he saying? This must've been the exact reason why Haley and Nathan dragged him out with them tonight. Did he actually contemplate staying at home reading a book? This was his senior year... he was supposed to be going crazy! That was it... he needed to have some fun.

"Okay... I'm in." He got up from the couch and stood next to the girls.

"Great," Rachel's eyes lit up. Her plan was definitely in motion now.

* * *

_I had the blankest year  
I saw life turn into a T.V. show  
It was totally weird  
The person I knew I didn't really know_

They had been playing the game for an hour and almost everyone that had been playing were either drunk or buzzed. Lucas and Peyton were neither. Luckily, there had barely been any questions directed at them and when there were they would just answer them. The game's purpose had almost been lost since everyone was just drinking for the hell of it.

"Okay... okay, it's my turn," Rachel set her gaze upon her next victim, "Peyton." Her voice snapped Peyton out of her conversation with Theresa.

"This should be fun." Peyton mumbled as all eyes focused on her.

"Is it true that you hooked up with Tim at the bonfire a few months ago?"

"What? Eww!" A horrified look came upon Peyton's face and everyone started to laugh.

"C'mon Peyton you know you can't resist the Tim." Tim said with a smirk as he rubbed his hands together.

"Yuck!" Peyton laughed, "Whatever man. C'mon Rachel you couldn't think of anything better than that?"

Rachel smirked, "I was hoping you'd say that... fine then, Peyton, I dare you to kiss..."

Peyton's smile quickly faded as she soon knew where Rachel's dare was headed to and she was sure she wasn't going to like it.

"Lucas."

Peyton rolled her eyes as whispers were heard. She had been in this predicament some time last year.

"Come on Rach," She practically pleaded with her. She looked over at an embarrassed Luke, who had his gaze fixed on the carpet.

"Either that or drink."

Peyton shook her head and got up from the floor. Without saying a word she stormed out of the living room.

Rachel sat there confused... that wasn't how she wanted things to go. Both she and Lucas took off at the same time ready to go after Peyton, but Lucas had gotten to her first.

"Peyton!" He called after her, hoping that she'd stop, but she just pushed her way through some people and disappeared.

_Time don't move  
We're the only ones who do  
Bendin' reason  
'Cause its all we hold on to_

"You know you should really go after her." Lucas turned to his right and glared at Rachel.

"You're kidding me right?" He laughed bitterly.

"Um no I'm not. Go after her, Luke."

Lucas resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Rachel. He couldn't believe her. This whole thing, or whatever it was, was all her fault and here she was giving him advice to go after Peyton.

"You do realize that this is all of your fault right?"

"I thought I was doing you a favor."

"How? By getting Peyton and I to play this stupid game, and then miraculously discovering our feelings for each other?" He said with sarcasm, "In case you've forgotten Brooke–"

"Is your girlfriend. Yeah, yeah I know and before you continue I've heard this speech about a million times already."

"Good then I don't have to repeat myself."

"C'mon Lucas, let's be serious here. Do you really believe that Brooke is the one for you?" She stared in him the eye and watched as he began to talk.

"Wait... don't answer that." She cut him off. She didn't have the time nor the tolerance to hear him sprout another ridiculous speech about his undying love for a girl she despised.

"I care about her Rachel." He said simply. He didn't even feel like reciting another speech about his love for Brooke. It was becoming a bit tedious.

"But those are just words, Luke. Do those words even mean anything to you anymore, Luke? Do they even mean anything to Brooke anymore? How many times can you tell her you love her, just to ease her insecurities? No matter how many times you say it she's still going to feel the same way she did before... and so are you." She hoped she was getting through to him, but all he could do was just stand there.

"They do mean something." He said sternly, as if he was trying to convince himself.

She rolled her eyes and then mumbled, "Yeah well it sounds more to me like you're trying to convince yourself that."

"What?"

"Whatever... you should go find Peyton. I'm sure she's over this whole thing by now." And with that she walked off, leaving a stunned and somewhat angry, Lucas standing there. She thought she could get through to him, but this all was becoming just too hard.

* * *

Right after his talk with Rachel Lucas went off to look for Peyton. Not having to look much, he immediately found her sitting on the steps of the porch, but he hadn't had the courage to go talk to her yet. Even though none of this was really his fault, he felt like it was. He didn't know how she would react or if she wanted to talk to him at all. He watched her from behind the screen door. She didn't really look upset, but then again she didn't really look happy either. He shook his head, dismissing his bad thoughts, and prepared to go over to her. As long as she wasn't mad, right?

He softly opened the screen door so that it wouldn't make too much noise and slowly walked over to her.

"Is this porch taken?" He said gently as he stood next to where she was sitting.

She looked up at him and shook her head, inviting him to sit down.

He took a seat on the steps right next to her, but didn't say anything. They both just stared out into the darkness. The only light they had was from the dim porch light.

He looked over at her and decided that he needed to say something.

"About what happened inside–"

"You don't have to say anything, Luke."

He shrugged, "Yeah I know, but I want to."

"I know it was some stupid game, but–"

He placed his hand gently on the small of her back, "You don't have to say anything, either Peyt."

She shivered a little as his hand made small circles on her back.

"You okay?" He asked referring to both her shivering and the whole incident inside.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine," She knew he didn't believe her, but maybe if she spoke quickly he would just forget about, "Hey... why don't you go back inside? I'll meet you there."

He gave her a look of confusion. He thought going back inside was the last thing she wanted.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah... positive." She nodded, hoping that he would go back inside, but he just sat there, still staring at her.

They both stood up and a reluctant Lucas slowly went back inside. He was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he didn't even see Rachel go pass him.

Peyton was about to go back inside the party when Rachel came out onto the porch. She was probably one of the last people Peyton wanted to see.

Rachel watched as Peyton folded her arms across her chest and stared at her.

"Before you say anything, you're right... it was kind of stupid of me to ask you to do that dare." She apologized, but still received the same angry look for Peyton.

"Okay it was extremely stupid of me to do that," She allowed and watched Peyton's expression soften a bit, "But I had to do something, okay? You and Luke are driving me crazy!"

"And you thought by trying to make me kiss Lucas we'd not only embarrass ourselves, but immediately realize our feelings for each other." She said with a hint of sarcasm.

Rachel smirked, "You know, Lucas almost said the same thing."

"Maybe this is one big joke to you, but this isn't to me... or Lucas." Rachel's smile disappeared when she realized that Peyton wasn't in a joking mood.

"Okay Peyton I'm sorry... I just, I thought that this would be helping you. I thought that when this was all over you would be thanking me, not standing here giving me a death glare." She tried to reason with her and smiled triumphantly when she got a stifled laugh out of Peyton.

"Look I know that somewhere in that crazy head of yours, you truly thought that you were doing us some good, but I don't need your help where my love life is concerned." She said this as nicely as she possibly could. She wasn't angry with Rachel just as she wasn't angry with Lucas. She was angry with herself. She didn't have to make the dare into a big deal, but she did.

"Whatever you say Peyton," She allowed, "So now that that's over, can I ask you something?"

"Sure... what is it?"

"This is completely hypothetical of course. If Lucas wasn't with Brooke would you have gone through with the dare?"

"Rachel." She somewhat pleaded. She wasn't about to admit something like that to her.

"C'mon Peyton. It's just us out here and whatever your answer is I won't tell or hold it against you so that I can tell Brooke and make her life a living hell, no matter how bad I want to." Peyton laughed at the last part.

"I'll get you a drink." Rachel edged her on.

"What the hell, right?" Peyton thought aloud, seeing that a drink was definitely what she needed right now.

"Yes." Was all she said.

Rachel's lips curved into a smile as she put her arm around Peyton's shoulder, "I knew you had it in you Sawyer."

* * *

An hour later Peyton had forgotten all about her problems and learned to have fun, with the help of some alcohol, of course. She hadn't felt this careless or free since, well she couldn't even remember when the last time was, but she felt this way now and she didn't want it to end. She was practically stumbling away from the kitchen, where she had been playing a game of I Never, when she bumped into Lucas.

"Peyton! I've been looking all over for you." Because it had gotten so crowded over the past hour, Lucas hadn't been able to reach Peyton at all, so he was glad when he bumped into her. But that feeling went away when he realized she was drunk.

"Hey Luke! How great is this party?" Her words came out drawled as she laughed.

"Are you drunk?"

"Me? No... no," She said confidently, but then burst out laughing, "Okay... maybe a little."

"Okay I'm gonna get you home now." He said as he gently grabbed her arm and started walking.

"Oh come on Luke! You're such a party pooper!" She whined as he dragged her out of the door.

* * *

"Ugh! Why were you driving so fast?" She moaned in pain as she collapsed, well more like fell onto her bed.

"I wasn't driving fast." He said as he sat beside her.

She lifted her head off of her pillow, "Yes you were," She whined, "You made me sick."

Lucas laughed. Even though he didn't really like to see her like this, Peyton was kind of funny when she was drunk.

"It's not funny." She shut her eyes and then opened them again as she tried to focus her vision.

"I'm sorry." He apologized as he extended his arm and gently stroked her hair. He expected her to fall asleep any second since her eyes were fluttering open and close, but instead she burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?"

She tilted her head, "Did you know that there are three of you?"

"Maybe you should try going to bed now." He suggested.

"No!" She whined, "Sit next to me... I wanna talk."

She sat up and moved over so that there was room for him.

Not willing to argue with her, he did as she said and sat next to her.

They sat in silence before she started up again.

"Hey Luke."

"Yeah?"

"Would you rather be a bird or a fish?" Obviously amused with her own question, Peyton wasted no time to start laughing.

Luke resisted the urge to laugh at the strange question, but still answered it without hesitation, "A bird. You?"

She placed her index finger on her chin and pursed her lips together as she thought, causing Lucas to laugh.

"Um... I'd be a bird, too." She finally answered and then they sat in silence again.

"Hey Luke." She said again.

He turned to look at her, "Yeah Peyt?"

"What are you thinking?"

He sighed, "I'm thinking of ways to get you to fall asleep."

They both laughed at this.

"What are you thinking?" He asked her as he looked in her eyes once again.

"Hmm... the stars are crying out for what we could've had."

"What?" He asked. He was utterly confused at what he guessed to be a song lyric.

"That reminds me of you," She giggled, "Wait... no it reminds me of Jake... oh who am I kidding? It reminds me of you... yeah you." She said in between laughs.

Lucas stared at her in a mix of shock and confusion. Did she just say that? No, no she was drunk... he couldn't get his hopes up, and besides, he had a girlfriend.

"Come here." He heard her whisper.

Her tone of voice was firm, but held amusement, as if she was telling a secret. He knew that he shouldn't have leaned in just as he knew he should've pulled away when he felt her lips on his, but he didn't; he couldn't. His hand foundit's way up to her cheek as their kiss deepened. He knew this was wrong, but something about her lips on his made him feel alive again.

"I've missed that." She whispered as she pulled away and fell back on her pillow.

The sound of her voice made him realize what he had done. She kissed him, but then again he didn't exactly pull away. What had he done? She was drunk and maybe, maybe he had been a little buzzed... no that wasn't a good enough excuse. He hadn't even had a drink all night.

He was about to speak, but stopped when he realized she was sleeping. Frustrated, he rubbed his face and leaned his head against the headboard. What they did was wrong, but why did it feel so right?

_But you don't own me  
I'd like to return this spell  
'Cause it's not my size  
And your lies are so much bigger than my lies  
And your ties are made of things that shouldn't be ties

* * *

_

Finally I updated. I'm so sorry about keeping you guys waiting, school has been hectic! But now it's spring break and maybe I'll post another chapter by the end of this week. Thank you so much for the reviews!


	8. All Is A Game

_Do you wake up and lie there  
and think it through?  
is the weight of your own life  
too much for you?  
__But it all is a game  
you forgot to play  
you did  
_All Is A Game-Nada Surf

"Rise and shine!"

Peyton buried her head into her pillow. She knew that cheery voice all too well.

"Ugh! It's so dark in here!"

Peyton could hear the movement in her room and didn't like it.

"Don't!" She shouted as her eyes finally shot open, just in time to be met with the blinding sunlight.

"Brooke!" She whined.

"There." Brooke sighed as she adjusted the blinds. Oblivious to Peyton's protests.

"I hate you." Peyton muttered as she sat up on the bed and looked at her cheery best friend.

"What's with the glum mood? Oh, or are you trying to be, oh what's the word? You know with the guys, and they're all like dead inside? Like that band... what is the word? Oh! Nemo!" Brooke shouted with a giggle, obviously proud of herself.

Peyton rolled her eyes and stifled a laugh, "You mean emo."

"Same difference," She shrugged as she took a seat next to Peyton on her bed.

"And I'm not!" Peyton closed her eyes again.

"So best friend," Brooke drawled, "What's going on here? You don't return my calls throughout the whole weekend, it's really dark in here, and you squint at the sunlight like you're vampire... or Lucas," She joked, which made Peyton laugh a little.

"So if you're not _emo_, then you must be..." Brooke paused as she put the pieces together, "Oh my god, P Sawyer you're hung over!"

Peyton groaned, "Talk softer please!"

Brooke couldn't stop laughing. She loved drunk Peyton!

"This is _so _great!" She clapped her hands together and laughed as she looked over at her best friend.

"No it's not!" She groaned.

"Oh yeah it is!" She said with a nod, "So I guess you were partying really hard last night?"

"Try Saturday."

"What? No way!" She exclaimed as she playfully pushed Peyton.

"Ow, Brooke!" She glared at her.

Brooke winced, "Sorry."

"It happened at Rachel's party, we um," Peyton tried to tell her what happened while avoiding the truth, dare, or drink part, "We were playing a game of I Never... and I guess I kind of got... drunk."

Peyton didn't remember much about Saturday night, but she knew that in a way she felt humiliated, like she had done something wrong. She just couldn't put her finger on it...

Brooke scoffed and let out a short laugh, "More like wasted."

"Hey you should talk!"

Her eyes lit up at this, "There's my P Sawyer. Once the alcohol wears off the sarcasm comes in."

"Yeah, yeah."

"So is that all that happened at the party? Not that I wanted to go or anything." She looked over at Peyton.

Peyton hesitated before answering, "Yeah–yeah that's all that happened."

"Sounds like it was a drag," Peyton laughed at this, "It'll be nothing people will be talking about when we get to school, which is why I came over here. Well that and to see if you were still alive."

Peyton laughed and then let out a groan in pain, "Don't make me laugh... it hurts. It feels like there's a 10,000 pound elephant is dancing on my forehead. I've been asleep the entire weekend and I'm still hung over."

"A little fresh air will make all of that go away, trust me, P. Sawyer. Now come on and get ready for school."

Peyton turned her head and looked at her clock, it was only 6 AM.

"Brooke it's only 6 AM. School doesn't start for like another 2 hrs. Why are you here so early anyway?" She shifted so that she was facing Brooke.

"I told you to see if you were still alive."

"And Haley's up this early, too?" She found it odd that Brooke could get Haley to get up this early since Haley wasn't really a morning person.

"I wouldn't know. Haley hasn't been at the apartment for like a month."

Peyton arched her brow at this.

"Isn't it great? I get to have the apartment all to myself and still pay half of the rent."

"That's wrong Brooke."

"I'm just joking, and here I thought drunks were supposed to be happy."

"I'm not drunk!"

"But the point is you were." Brooke teased.

"You're never going to let me live this down are you?"

"Uh uh, nope... never," Brooke laughed as she shook her head.

Peyton slid down so that she was now lying on her bed and pulled the covers over her, "I'm never getting drunk again!"

* * *

_Woke up an hour after the clock  
remembered the details  
and wanted to stop  
the stakes in my life  
are going so far up  
that my fingers are like  
haven't you had enough_

Lucas was confused. He was lost and he was confused. Whenever he was in a situation like this, he knew that there was one person and one person only that he could go to. And that was his best friend, Haley.

"Hey Hales you've got a second?" He asked as he approached the bench she was sitting at.

"For you Luke, I've got all the time in the world." She smiled up at her best friend and invited him to sit down.

Lucas smiled at this, "Or just until Nathan comes back, huh?"

Haley rolled her eyes, "Ha, ha. Now do you want me to listen to your problem or what?"

"Good comeback."

"Ah... well they don't call me tutor girl for nothing."

He gave her a strange glance, "But what does that have to do with it?"

"Shut up Lucas and tell me you're problem!" They laughed.

"How do you know I've got a problem?" He teased. He missed joking around with her, he missed his best friend.

"Okay, that's it," She said with a slight laugh as she put her hands up in the air, "I tried to be the attentive best friend, but you–"

"Okay, okay... Hales I'm sorry. I'll stop." He laughed as he pulled her back down on the bench before she could get away.

"Good, but now I'm not sure if I want to hear your problem." She joked.

"You're funny."

She nodded, "I know. Now on with the problem."

"Okay... well I don't know where to start."

"Try at the beginning, Luke. That's where all good stories start." She joked as she patted him on his shoulder.

"Hales." He pleaded with her.

"Okay... that was my last one, so what's going on?"

Lucas didn't know how else to go about the situation, so he just went with the first idea that popped into his head.

"Peyton kissed me." He blurted out.

"What?" Haley exclaimed. She was expecting something about a bad grade, an argument with Whitey, hell or even something about his HCM, but Peyton? That was so left field.

"She kissed me." He repeated.

"Well what did you do after? Wait, what did you do to make her kiss you? Was this at the party? It was the game wasn't it? I knew something bad was going to happen, I can't believe–'

"After you left, we played the game and then it was Rachel's turn and she dared Peyton to kiss me."

"And she did it?" Haley interjected.

"No, no. She ran out of the room, actually and after talking to Rachel, I went after her. She said she was fine and then she told me to go back into the party and then it got crowded and we got separated. But then she bumped into me and she was drunk–"

"Peyton was drunk?"

"Yeah... she was wasted, so I took her home and we just started talking and then she, she kissed me." He explained. He was still bewildered from last night. He replayed that moment over and over and over again. He couldn't get her or their kiss out of his head, but yet he couldn't face her.

"Wow," Haley sighed, "Well what did you do after the kiss? Or wait, did she throw up on you?"

"Haley!"

"What? I was watching 10 Things I Hate About You last night... so sue me. That was my last one, I promise this time," She swore, "So what happened when she kissed you?"

"I didn't exactly pull away." He admitted.

"Lucas!"

"I couldn't help it. Haley, you don't know what it was like in her room that night, in that very moment."

"Of course I don't." She mumbled. She wasn't upset with Lucas, and she wasn't disappointed either, but that didn't mean that she approved of what he was doing. Going back and forth between Peyton and Brooke again would only cause trouble.

"And I wanted to talk to her about it, but then she just fell asleep."

"Well you can always talk to her today." She suggested.

"Every time I get up the courage to talk to her, I just freeze up. I don't know what to do Hales." He admitted.

"Well she was drunk on Saturday right?"

"Right."

"So maybe she doesn't remember... you do crazy things when you're drunk right?"

"Right." He said once again.

"Okay then so it's settled... that kiss probably didn't mean anything." She concluded and watched Lucas nod, but she could still see the bothered look on his face.

"But you want it to mean something don't you?" She sighed as she stared at her troubled best friend.

"I don't know, Hales. I'm with Brooke now and I care about her, I do."

"I believe you, Luke."

"And Peyton, she's a great friend."

"Is that all she is? Just a friend?" That was a question both she and Luke knew the answer to.

"No... she's not." He said as he looked over at her.

"Lucas, answer me this. If you and Peyton didn't kiss that night, would you be feeling this way about her?"

"I don't know, Hales. Lately, I've been starting to think it's inevitable." He admitted.

"Yeah...me too." She whispered as she thought about the situation.

"You must think I'm the scum of the earth." He said as he buried his head in his hands.

"No, no Luke I don't think that. I just, I want you to be happy Lucas. No matter who you're with, I want you to be happy, whether that's with Brooke or Peyton, or some other girl. But you can't keep doing this to them, Luke. You can't keep going back and forth between them. It's not good for you and it's certainly not good for them either. Do you know what this is gonna do to their friendship? You just need to choose. Make a choice between Peyton and Brooke once and for all."

"You're right. I guess I'm being selfish about this whole thing, aren't I? This isn't just about me and my feelings."

"It's not and I wish I could help you with this, but this is your decision. I can't make the choice for you, you just have to follow your heart. Don't do what you think you have to, or what you think is right, do what your heart tells you, Luke." She said and then leaned over and hugged him.

"Thanks Hales." He whispered as he pulled out of the hug.

"Hey Haley, Lucas." Rachel waved as she quickly passed by.

"What's wrong with that girl?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"She's the one that started that stupid game, which led to.."

"She thought she was trying to help. She has this idea that Peyton and me belong together or something."

Haley looked over at Lucas, "It was inevitable, right?"

* * *

Peyton sighed. She loved the peace and quiet of the library. She had a free period and couldn't think of a better way to spend but reading in the library. And since she still felt a little hung over, this was the only place she could stand to be right now.

"Mind if I sit?"

She looked up and saw Lucas standing there. She wasn't surprised that he would come here, most likely looking for her. Practically every time she would look up, she would see him standing a few feet away from her, and just when she thought it was okay to go and talk to him, he would quickly walk away. It was weird.

"Sure." She watched as he sat down in the seat next to her and began to play with his hands.

Even though this was the library and she appreciated the silence, if Lucas didn't start talking in the next minute she was going to go insane. She had something to say to him, and she knew he had something to say to her, but he just stayed silent.

A few minutes of silence went by, and every now and then Lucas would look over at Peyton, but would quickly look away once he would see her head lift up. Much like his conversation with Haley, he didn't know where to begin.

He cleared his throat, "So um, how do you like the book?"

He was keeping it casual since he couldn't think of any other way to approach the situation. Hopefully it worked.

She gave him a look of confusion before looking down at the book she forgot she had in her hand. His question caught her off guard. She had stopped reading it minutes ago and had resorted to staring at the pages instead. Her mind was clearly on something else.

"Oh! You mean the, the book that I have, right with me, um..." She began to ramble. What was she doing? She was sure she was making a big fool out of herself in front of him. That was the last thing she wanted to do, especially after getting drunk at that party on Saturday. That was probably one of the only things she remembered from that night. Everything else was just a blur.

So that he wouldn't see that she was embarrassed, she covered her face with her book. When she peaked out from it, she was surprised to see Lucas laughing at her.

"It's not funny." She mumbled.

"Nah it isn't," He reached out and moved the book from her face, "But it is kind of cute."

She couldn't help but smile at this even though she wasn't sure if he should be saying something like that to her anyway.

"I'm sure it is, but it's not really your place to say now is it?" She regained her nerve with a sarcastic comeback.

"Ouch." Luke winced.

"Yeah... Brooke says I'm bitchy when I'm hung over, too." She said. It was her own way of apologizing, since she wasn't exactly good at that sort of thing.

He nodded, "So you're still hung over from Saturday?"

"Oh yeah, but if you think I'm bad now, you should've seen my this weekend. I was a mess, but uh, thanks for driving me back home... or at least I think that was you that drove me back home. I can't really remember."

Lucas suppressed a laugh at her obvious embarrassment, "I take it you're never getting drunk again."

"No, no. Never again." They both shared a short laugh at this.

"So I'm sure you saw me a few times today less than a few feet away from you and then turning the opposite way." He awkwardly brought it up.

"Yup." She nodded as she began staring at the book.

"That's because I was trying to figure out a way to talk to you about what happened Friday."

She averted her attention from the book, to him, "Lucas the whole thing was stupid."

"It was?" He admit he was taken aback by their kiss, but to call it stupid? He didn't think it was stupid, careless maybe, but not stupid.

"Yeah. It was out of line and completely insensitive, but at the same time she was just trying to help."

"Wait... what?" Now he was lost.

"Rachel," She clarified, "She was just trying to help," She continued on with her explanation, completely unaware to Luke's change in demeanor, " and I know you're probably thinking that she was trying to do the complete opposite but she wasn't, or at least she said she wasn't; and in some strange way, I believe her."

She waited for Lucas to say something, but he just sat there, unresponsive, with a pensive look on his face.

"But that doesn't mean I agree with what she did," She continued, "But um I just wanted to make that clear, so is everything cool between us?"

Again, she waited for his response, but he remained silent.

"Lucas?" She gave him a soft tap on the shoulder, which seemed to take him out of his thoughts.

"Peyton, do you remember anything after I took you home?"

She paused to think, "Let's see... you took me home, I tripped up the stairs a couple of times, oh and I can't forget almost falling out on the lawn, and then–"

"Do you remember anything happening in your room?" He was running out of patience. How could he sort out his feelings for her if she didn't remember the one thing that practically changed everything?

"No, but Luke you're starting to creep me out. Is there something I should know?"

What could he possibly say now? If he brought up the kiss, chances are she'd freak out or reject him, and he wasn't sure if he could face rejection again. How could she not remember what happened between them? Had it only meant something to him? He was crushed; he felt crushed.

"Because if this really is about the game, then I'm asking you, as a friend, to just let it go. It was a stupid game–"

"Are you sure you don't remember anything?" He glanced at her contemplating if he should tell her what happened or not.

She shrugged, "Everything's a little hazy now, Luke. I'm still in hangover mood," She joked with a slight laugh, but immediately stopped when she realized that he wasn't laughing, actually he was completely silent.

"You know you're right," He said while standing up.

"I am? Luke where are you going?"

"It's all a game." With not another word he walked away, leaving a confused Peyton sitting there. His words were true. Everything was all a game in more ways then one and he was quite sure that he wasn't winning this one, not this time.

_Well it all is a game  
__Yeah, you forgot to play  
__You did  
__It all is a game  
__Yeah, you forgot to play  
__You did_...

* * *

Now that was a pretty fast update. Oddly enough, things are actually just getting started with this story, but it's almost over. I guess I'll just leave you guys at that. Thanks for the reviews; they're great!


	9. What Is Your Secret?

No, this story isn't dead. Sorry for the lack of updates, I really didn't know that I actually went months without updating until today, which totally motivated me to finish this chapter. It's a long one, so hopefully it serves a purpose. With school over, hopefully I can update more frequently. This is actually where it all changes…

* * *

_So we sat and talked  
Then we walked and talked  
Said it was the truth, but  
What is your secret?  
_What Is Your Secret- Nada Surf

It was an early Wednesday morning, and normally she would be just waking up at this time, but today was different. She was dressed in her cheerleading uniform, and oddly enough she was already outside. She slowly walked up the porch steps and stood there. What was she doing? She walked up to the door and hesitantly knocked. Waiting patiently, she busied herself with looking down at her cheerleading uniform. She couldn't express how much she hated the new rule that the cheerleader's had to wear their uniforms all day on game days. And just when she wasn't paying attention, the door swung open, causing her to stumble back a little.

"Peyton?"

She stood there for a moment, wondering what to do or to say. She had come there with a plan, but that plan was becoming forgotten.

"What are you doing here?"

Once again she was silent. Just one look at him, and she was rendered speechless. What was wrong with her?

"What are you doing here?" He repeated again, as he played with the tie that was slung on his shoulders.

"I..." She trailed off, wondering what exactly to say to him.

"It's like 7 AM. What are you doing up so early?"

Looking down at her sneakers and then back up at Lucas she finally replied, "I was wondering if," She paused, and shook her head as a new idea came to her head, "You wanna walk to school together?"

Lucas didn't even have to think about it. Of course he wanted to walk to school with her. Even though she had a car, and he did, too, he still jumped at the chance. He needed to have a good, long talk with her.

"Sure, just let me finish getting dressed, and I'll be right out."

Peyton's eyes widened when she realized he wasn't fully dressed. That was why only his head was sticking out of the door. Suddenly she felt very embarrassed.

"Oh… Oh " She blushed as she finally caught on, "I um, yeah…you go and do that."

Chuckling slightly, Lucas nodded and closed the door.

Once the door was closed Peyton covered her face with her hands. That was so embarrassing. This whole situation was sort of embarrassing. Why on earth did she come here? Sure, when she woke up this morning going over to Lucas' house and talking to him seemed like a very good idea, but now that she was actually standing on his porch she wasn't so sure.

Within another five minutes, Lucas was out the door, and this time he was fully dressed. She watched as he closed the door behind him, and then walk over to where she was standing.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah."

She followed him down the steps, and they began walking.

"You know this is kinda nice." He spoke up. After walking down a few blocks in silence, he just had to say something.

"What is?"

"This…walking to school, together, talking, or lack of," He said which making her laugh a little, "And of course we can't forget the fact that you're in your cheerleading uniform, and I'm wearing, well, something other than my red shirt that you know and love." He joked, which made her laugh some more.

"Yeah…it's nice to see you in more presentable clothing." She joked along with him.

"Ouch Peyt. That one hurt. Remind me to comment on your horrible singing."

She laughed at this, "All right, all right. You know I'm just joking…I love that red shirt."

He smiled a little, "And I love your off key singing."

"Hey!" She laughed a little, as she gently hit him on the shoulder, "You're not any better!"

"Okay, okay," He laughed, "I'm sorry. I really do love your singing…no matter if it's only meant for singing in cars."

"Whatever Luke, why don't you just save that energy for your game tonight? I'm sure you'll need it."

"Okay, okay. You win." He surrendered.

She smiled triumphantly, "Peyton 1; Luke 0."

He laughed, "Yeah, yeah Peyton."

"You're right though. This is kinda nice." She looked over at him, and they both shared mutual smiles before walking in silence again.

"So," He drawled, "What's new with you Sawyer?"

She shrugged, "Nothing."

He almost cringed at her cryptic answer. Even though he hadn't spoken to her since their little talk in the library, which was about a week ago, he thought he would be the one acting quiet and reserved, but instead it was her. He was even more surprised that she began acting like this since they had just shared a short little conversation.

"Well now that I'm fully dressed," He joked earning a stifled laugh from Peyton, "And we've just had more than our share of banter, I guess it's a good time to ask you what's with the walk?"

Once again she shrugged, "Well we haven't talked in a while, so I just thought we could do it now."

He glanced at his watch, "At 7: 20 in the morning?"

"Well… yeah."

_Dragged it on and on  
__Even favorite songs but  
__Your division's always wrong  
__What is your secret?_

"Okay," He nodded, "So what do you want to talk about?" He looked over at her as they walked.

She took a deep breath and stuffed her hands in her pocket, "Where to start?"

"Anywhere you want." He said softly.

She quickly glanced over at him as they walked, and then turned her head away. She didn't know if she could actually do this.

"You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this, Lucas, but I figured that I'd better do this now before I end up regretting it later. I um… " She paused. She just couldn't get the right words to come out.

"What's going on Peyt?" Her words were beginning to worry him.

"Do you remember the night of Rachel's party?" She asked hesitantly.

"Well yeah, that was only what? A week ago?"

"Yeah… something like that, I guess." She shrugged.

"So what about it?" He edged her on. Whenever he needed Peyton to admit something or if she needed to tell him something her responses would always be so drawn out, like she always had something to hide.

"You know this is kind of funny, the whole 'the jock and the cheerleader' thing." She let out a nervous laugh, as she tried to change the subject at the last minute.

But Lucas would have none of it, "Peyton."

She looked up at him, and her eyes met his pleading gaze. She lowered her head once again, and looked down at the sidewalk. She hated for the conversation to take a sudden turn like this, but she needed to get her thoughts out.

"I remember, you know?" Was all she could bring herself to say.

His brow furrowed in confusion, "Remember what?"

As she stayed silent, he let his mind wander to that night, and that's when it suddenly dawned on him.

"Peyt–"

"I remember kissing you, and I just wanna say that I'm sorry for lying to you about not remembering it, but I just didn't want to cause anymore problems between me, you and Brooke. We have enough drama as it is, with senior year and all, and I just I'm trying, I'm really trying not to let this get to me, but it is."

"You're not doing anything wrong, Peyton–"

"I'm sorry for lying to you about not remembering what happened that night, but I'm not sorry for that kiss, Lucas." There. She said it, she had finally said it, and it felt good. She couldn't keep lying to herself anymore. It was becoming useless.

"What?" He was stunned. He hadn't expected her to say that, not at all. Everything that had came out of her mouth in the past few minutes had just taken him by surprise. He didn't even notice that they had stopped walking.

And despite finally telling him the truth, she still couldn't bring herself to look at him. "I know that I was drunk, and I admit, maybe at that moment it was stupid of me to do it, but that didn't make that kiss any less real… at least not to me. I know this is probably unfair of me to spring this on you like this, but I had to tell you, Luke, and you know what? From now on if you want to avoid me then I'm okay with that." Okay, so maybe she wasn't okay with that last part, but what else was she supposed to say?

"I can't do that, Peyton. You know I care about you, and what you just told me– I'm not gonna lie, I'm still a little shocked by it, but I'm not gonna stop talking to you or stop being around you, Peyt. I just… I need some time to think about all of this."

She nodded, "I do, too."

"When we kissed that night, I'd be lying if I told you that I didn't feel anything. But with everything with Brooke, I don't know where my head is. I don't even know where we're at, Peyt. Are we just friends? Are we suddenly more? It's a lot to handle." He could only be honest with her right now. He had waited for this moment, to hear her say that their kiss meant more to her, too, but now that it was finally here he didn't know what to say, or what to do.

"We're friends Luke. I don't want to lose your friendship, and that's why I think maybe you and I should just spend some time apart." The words were coming out before she could stop them.

"What?" He was so confused. How could they have gone from friendly banter to impending friendship?

"I think we should spend some time apart. You said it your self, we've got a lot to process these days, and we both need some time to think about things, so maybe this is for the best."

"Peyton what are you saying?" His head had started to spin. He didn't even realize that they had stopped walking.

"I'm saying that you need to figure things out with Brooke, and I need to figure out some things on my own, and the best way to do that is for me to figure the things that I need to figure out alone," She said all in one hurried breath.

"Peyt don't." He pleaded with her. He already knew what her next move was gonna be, so he tried to stop her.

"So I guess I'll be seeing you, Luke," She slowly began to walk again, but this time it was away from him.

" Thanks for walking with me." She added as she took one final look at him before walking straight ahead again. She didn't want to do what she just did, but she had to. If she really did have feelings for Lucas, she would do things right this time.

* * *

_You said just what I said  
__So why's the meter red?  
__And why's the needle pegged?  
__What is your secret?_

"Well, well, well if it isn't my favorite emo girl."

Peyton looked up from a sketch she was doing to see Brooke saunter into her room, plop on her bed and proceed to talk a mile a minute. Peyton had been sitting in her computer chair sketching quietly before Brooke came in it was actually quiet.

She smirked to herself and continued to sketch, not once taking out her earphones. She was surprised to see that Brooke, who apparently hadn't stopped talking, didn't see the blank, yet somewhat amused expression on her face?

"And there's just nobody around anymore! I mean, it's not like I don't have a life, because I do. I've got clothes over bros, I'm student council president, I'm head cheerleader, the list goes on and on, but that doesn't mean I don't," Brooke paused when she finally realized that Peyton wasn't listening to her, "P Sawyer!"

"P Sawyer!" She repeated again, which made Peyton finally look up.

"Hmm?" She slowly took out her earphones, and proceeded to listen to Brooke.

"You weren't even listening, and there's like a crisis going on!"

Peyton stifled a laugh, "What is it Brooke?"

"That there's no one left." She pouted.

"What?" Peyton finally put her sketchbook down, and turned her full attention to Brooke.

"Everyone's just so occupied. There's no one to talk to anymore."

"Brooke what do you mean? You know you can always talk to me." Peyton was prepared to hear something about a sale at the mall that Brooke had missed, or the latest argument with Rachel, but not this.

"I know that Peyton, but you're not always gonna be here. What happens when we all go off to college? I'll probably be stuck here in Tree Hill while you, Lucas, Nathan and Haley are at some big university." Peyton didn't exactly see where this conversation was going. She never thought that Brooke actually thought about things like this. That just showed how far apart they were actually growing.

"Brooke you shouldn't think like that," She got up from her chair and took a seat right next to Brooke on her bed, "That's college, and who's to say we won't all be together, and even though this is how it's looking we'll probably all be apart, but that doesn't mean we all won't stay friends. And besides that's college, just think about now, we're all together–"

"We're not. Everyone's drifting apart. I haven't seen you for weeks, Haley and Nathan are in their own little world, and Lucas, I don't even know where I stand with Lucas anymore. He's been so withdrawn lately, and it seems like all I have is me." Brooke looked over at her best friend helplessly. She knew if she ever had a problem she could always go to Peyton. They were best friends, best friends who would always be there for each other, but even she couldn't deny that they were growing apart, and she didn't want that to happen.

Peyton had sympathized with Brooke in the beginning, but now she couldn't help but be a little upset. Brooke was all alone? As far as she was concerned Brooke was barely ever alone. Sure, her parents were across the country, but Brooke didn't have to come home to an empty house everyday, spend the holidays alone, mourn the loss of a mother, and go through the absence of another mother all alone. To Peyton, Brooke's "I don't want to leave High School" situation wasn't nearly as big as what was going on with her right now.

Trying to ignore some of the bitterness she felt, she decided to continue with their conversation.

"You've never ever wanted some time to be alone?"

Peyton watched as Brooke contemplated the question, "Well who doesn't? It's just, I miss us hanging out, and I wish that I had my best friend around more."

"Yeah, me too." Peyton sighed.

"So enough about me, what's going on with you? Is there any new boy I should know about or anything?"

She shrugged, "No… not really."

"Come on P Sawyer, there's gotta be something. I haven't heard from or spoken to you for 3 weeks, and you mean to tell me there's nothing going on?"

"I've just been thinking about stuff that's all." She tried to be as vague as she could possibly be.

"You and Lucas both. He just won't talk to me." She said sadly. Her relationship with Lucas hadn't exactly been great these last past weeks.

"Oh." Was all Peyton could bring herself to say as she suddenly began to shift in her seat.

"I just wish he'd let me in more... I'm starting to think maybe we're just not gonna work." She sighed unhappily as her eyes began to wander around the room. They finally settled on Peyton's closet doors, where Lucas' name was right under hers.

"Brooke." She spoke up after a moment of silence. This was the moment she had been dreading.

"Hmm?" She asked still not taking her gaze off of the door.

"There's um, there's something I need to tell you." Peyton couldn't hold her feelings in longer. She had to do things right this time; she just hoped she wasn't make a mistake.

"What?" Brooke finally brought her gaze on a now worried looking Peyton. The urgency in her voice, the worrisome look, Brooke already had a feeling what was going on.

She waited for Peyton to speak, but she didn't. She just sat there.

"C'mon Peyton you're starting to scare me. Just tell me already." She gently touched Peyton's arm.

She took a deep breath, "The, the thing I've been thinking about for these past weeks, well more like this past month, or maybe even longer than that–"

"Peyton please." She pleaded. She couldn't take the suspense any longer.

She looked at her friend. A few minutes ago her eyes were sparkling with happiness, and now they were just... sad. There was another silence. Peyton closed her eyes and tried to hold back tears.

"I still have feelings for Lucas." Her voice was no louder than a whisper. She couldn't even look at Brooke, and she didn't want to hurt her again, but it felt incredibly good to just be honest.

"Okay... no more Red Bull for me because I could've sworn you said that you still had feelings for Lucas." She said with a nervous, short laugh. She didn't believe it. She couldn't have heard right. Peyton wouldn't hurt her again.

Peyton looked over at Brooke sadly, "I did."

"You're kidding right?" Brooke closed her eyes and tried to let it all sink in. She could already feel the anger.

"Brooke–"

"Don't!" She hissed as she stood up from the bed, "I trusted you, Peyton! After everything you did to me last year, I trusted you, and now you're telling me that you have feelings for Lucas? Were they ever gone Peyton or were you just secretly pining for _my_ boyfriend even while you were with Jake"

"It's not like that Brooke. I don't want to hurt you!" She replied through tears as she stood up to face her.

"That's bullshit Peyton, and you know it! You don't want to hurt me? Then why would you do this Peyton?" Brooke tried her best to hold back tears.

"I wanted to be honest with you, Brooke. I didn't want a repeat of last year–"

"Oh yeah because you're just thinking about everybody else's feelings now, right?" She replied bitterly.

"You have every right to be angry with me, Brooke, but don't let this ruin our friendship again. I don't wanna lose you... you're my best friend."

"Don't you get it Peyton? He's _my_ boyfriend! Do you see that door? His name is under mine!"

She was trying to be nice and understanding, but she just couldn't take Brooke yelling at her, "He's not your possession, Brooke!"

Brooke had enough, "You selfish bitch!" She held up her hand, and in one swift movement her hand whipped across Peyton's face. Peyton let out a gasp as she held her face. She couldn't believe Brooke did that to her. She stared at her in disbelief, looking for any trace of remorse on Brooke's face, but there wasn't any.

"If you think that you can just walk into my room, and yell at me just because I decided to actually be honest with you and actually do things right instead of lying to you and going behind your back again then you're wrong." It was now Peyton's turn to have the upper hand. She was finally sick of being the doormat, and she wasn't going to take it anymore.

Brooke backed away from Peyton a little as she spoke. She admitted hitting her was probably out of line, but she was angry, and she was still angry.

"Don't you ever put your hands on me again! I've tried Brooke; I've honestly tried with you! I've tried being honest, I've tried being you're friend, I've tried everything, and what do I get? I get yelled at and slapped by someone who I thought would understand, someone who I thought would at least hear me out, but I guess not. So go Brooke, go back to Lucas, tell him not talk to me anymore, and you know what how about you don't talk to me anymore? You'd like it that way right? You having Lucas all to yourself, and me alone because that's how it always ends right?" She let out a bitter laugh through some stray tears. She didn't think their friendship would actually come to this.

"Go to hell." And that was the last thing Brooke said before she stormed out of Peyton's room.

After minutes of staring at the empty doorway, defeated, Peyton collapsed in a near by chair, and she cried.

* * *

Haley had been sitting on the couch in the apartment that she and Brooke shared, when she heard the door slam. Casually looking up from her book, she was surprised to see a very angry Brooke. She watched Brooke's every movement before actually moving herself. She watched as Brooke threw her coat on the coat rack, stormed to the kitchen, and started randomly opening and slamming cabinet doors.

Confused and concerned, Haley finally put her book down and cautiously went towards the kitchen area where Brooke was.

"Brooke is something wrong?" She asked as she stood on the opposite side of the table. Brooke didn't answer her. She just kept on looking through cabinets.

"Brooke." Haley repeated.

"Hey Haley do you still wanna stab Peyton's eyes out with a fork?" Brooke asked in rather coy voice as she finally turned around to face Haley.

Haley gave her a weird look, "No… of course not, besides I was just joking when I said that, why–"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah… c'mon you've gotta know I don't mean things literally all of the time. I remember there was a time where nothing would give me such joy like watching you get hit by a bus, but—"

"Because I'm thinking, if the both of us do that I'm sure we could split the time in half." Brooke was still upset with what had happened earlier. After leaving Peyton's house, she drove around the town in an effort to cool off, she even tried visiting Lucas, but he wasn't home. She couldn't believe that Peyton still had feelings for Lucas. She couldn't believe her best friend would betray her again!

"Okay Brooke, I'm sensing you had fight with Peyton."

"Gee Haley I wonder what gave you that idea? You know for a tutor, you can be pretty oblivious at times." Brooke snapped.

"Hey! Don't take your anger out on me. I get your upset, but I'm sure whatever you and Peyton were arguing about, it'll blow over. You guys are best friends–"

"Ex best friends." She corrected.

Haley's expression softened as she reached out ant gently patted Brooke's arm, "It was that bad, huh?"

"I just can't believe her Haley! She promised me she wouldn't do this to me again, and I trusted her. I'm never trusting another blonde again!"

"Once again hey! And if you don't mind me butting in, what were you guys arguing about anyway?" Haley had a feeling what it was about, well more like whom.

"She told me that she still has feelings for Lucas."

Haley sighed, and she was right, "Ouch."

"Yeah and then she proceeded to say how she was only trying to be honest with me, and that she didn't want to hurt me, but I'm sure she does. I just, I got so angry with her in there Haley, then my anger got the best of me, and then I just snapped, so as a result of that we're not friends anymore."

"Brooke... have you ever even thought that maybe this is as hard for Peyton as this is for you?"

"Whose side are you on anyway? Because I plan on using all of this wasted, pent up anger on designing some Team Brooke t-shirts for clothes over bros." Brooke let out a small triumphant laugh at her own little joke.

"I'm not going to pick sides, Brooke. Both of you are my friends–"

"But I'm your roommate." Brooke interjected.

"And that's great, but Peyton is also my friend. I can't do that, Brooke." Haley tried to reason with her, but Brooke who was still angry from earlier was far from thinking logically.

"You know what? I kind of want to be alone right now."

"Brooke," Haley sighed as she saw Brooke's immediate mood change, "You're being really unfair right now."

"Oh yeah? Well then why don't you go talk to your best friend Peyton? You can go bond and listen to her side of the story all night." She snapped at Haley again, and this time Haley just didn't have the energy to try again.

"Fine Brooke. Call me when you've formed other human emotions besides anger!" And with that Haley grabbed her coat and was out of the door.

* * *

"Knock, knock." Haley said as she stood in the doorway of Peyton's room.

"Haley... hey. Come on in." She spoke. Her voice was hoarse, and her eyes were red from crying.

Haley walked into her room and immediately noticed Peyton's appearance.

"Oh Peyton." Haley whispered as she walked over to the computer chair Peyton was sitting on, and hugged her.

Peyton closed her eyes, and gently held on to Haley's arm before she let go. A friend was exactly what she needed right now, but she was shocked that Haley would actually be here.

"Thanks Hales." She whispered appreciatively as she wiped away some tears off of her face.

"Its no problem," Haley gently patted her shoulder, "Hey what do you have there?" Haley had just noticed the stuffed bunny that Peyton was holding.

"Oh this, this is just my stuffed bunny named... well, bunny."

Haley laughed, "Well that's just perfect because I've got Mr. Waffles here to cheer you up."

Peyton laughed as Haley held out Mr. Waffles to her, "Thanks Hales."

"See Mr. Waffles never fails to make someone feel better. I'm sure you're bunny does a good job, too. I actually didn't think you had stuffed animals."

"Oh my grandmother gave this to me a little after my mom died, so it's just been with me ever since. I guess you could say it's special."

"Yeah Mr. Waffles, too. He was the only thing I had to myself living in a house of like 12," They both shared small grins, "But dude we've gotta get another name for you're bunny."

Peyton laughed, "Yeah... we'll have to work on that."

"Of course, but um I don't know how to exactly bring this up but," She approached the topic cautiously before she took a seat on the edge of the bed "Listen, Brooke told me what happened–"

"Yeah I kind of figured that. I'm just surprised you're here... with Mr. Waffles," She playfully acknowledged the little bear's presence, " I'd figured you would be on Team Brooke."

Haley shook her head, "Yeah well Brooke kinda figured that, too."

"Haley it's okay if you want to take Brooke's side. She is your roommate." Okay so of course Peyton wasn't okay with that, but what could she do?

Haley let out a stifled laugh. She was getting sick of saying this, "And you're still my friend. Look Peyton, I'm gonna tell you what I told Brooke. I'm not choosing sides at all. You both are my friends."

"You're a good friend Haley."

Haley shrugged, "Yeah well, with nearly two years of friendship it'd just be wrong if I didn't hear your side of things."

Peyton sighed, "Yeah well there's really not much to tell."

She nodded, "Well does Lucas know?"

Peyton shook her head; "I went to Brooke first, but with how angry she's with me now, she'll probably tell Lucas the first chance she gets in an attempt to humiliate me."

"I doubt it Peyton. Sure, Brooke is upset, but I doubt she'll get that vindictive–"

"You know for you to be living with her, you obviously don't know Brooke that well. She can be a huge bitch when she wants to. She proved that to me earlier when she slapped me for being honest with her."

Haley was shocked. Brooke definitely left that part out, "Apparently I don't. She slapped you, Peyton?"

"Yeah... believe me I was just as shocked as you were." Peyton kept on playing the events of earlier this afternoon in her head. A life long friendship had been thrown down the drain in just a matter of minutes.

"Wow... Brooke was really out of line for doing that. I almost can't believe she would do something like that," Haley let her mind wander, "So it's really over this time isn't it?" In the back of her mind Haley hoped that Peyton and Brooke would eventually reconcile even if it wasn't exactly the best of times for them right now.

"Afraid so. So let's sum it up. I've got a dead mom, another mom somewhere I don't even know, a father off at sea, no best friend, and a boy who I'm probably hopelessly pining for that'll probably never know how I feel. Life's just great when you've got no one isn't it?" She laughed bitterly. She didn't think she could go any lower at this point.

"Hey you've still got your bunny, and if you want I'll even let you borrow Mr. Waffles—"

"Haley."

Haley smiled sadly at her friend, she wondered what she could say to cheer her friend up, and then she thought of something.

"And you've always got me."

* * *

_You want to control  
__You want to be controlled  
__You're like a little switch  
__And then you take your toll_

"Brooke!" Lucas called out for her as he entered her apartment, "Are you in here?"

"Brooke!" He called her again, and after a couple of minutes she finally came out of the room.

"Hey." She whispered.

"What's going on Brooke? You left the door open, you know?"

"Yeah it's been open ever since Haley left hours ago." She said glumly as she ran her hand through her hair.

"What's going on with you Brooke?" He reached out to touch her shoulder but she moved away.

"Nothing... nothing," She whispered as she moved away from him, "I'd just appreciate it if you didn't talk to Peyton anymore."

"What?"

"Lucas please," Brooke sighed, "I'm just asking you to do this one thing for me."

"Are you serious?" He looked at her incredulously. He knew at times Brooke could be strangely very selfish, but this was practically crossing the line. He wondered what was going on with her.

"Yes I'm serious. All I'm asking is for you to do that one little thing okay?" She knew where this conversation was headed for... another argument. She was just on a role today.

"That's not a little thing Brooke, and you know it. Why don't you just tell me what's wrong, and we'll talk about." He tried to reason with her. He didn't want this to turn into yet another fight.

"Why? So I can tell you what happened, and you can go and comfort your precious Peyton?" She responded angrily.

"What are you talking about? What happened Brooke?"

"Why should I tell you?" She raised her voice.

"Because I'm your boyfriend." He tried his best not to yell.

"Oh yeah that's right, you're my boyfriend. You know that's pretty easy to forget since you sure don't act like it!"

"Oh don't put this on me! I'm trying Brooke, I'm really trying with you, but all you do is push me away–"

"I am not getting into another argument with you about this Lucas! This day has just been horrible, and I thought out of all people you would be the one to understand, but you don't." There was a hint of sadness in her voice as she did her best to hold back tears. She wasn't going to cry in front of him, she wasn't going to cry In front of anyone.

"I'm trying Brooke." He said softly.

"Just please can you just not talk to her for awhile?" She asked desperately even though part of her knew what he was going to say.

"Brooke she's my friend, and she's your best friend–"

"My best friend who just happens to have feelings for you!" She couldn't hold it in any longer.

"What?" That wasn't what Lucas had expected to hear... not at all.

"She's in love with you, Luke, and I know, no matter how many times you tell me that I'm the one or that you love me, that there's a part of you that's in love with her, too. Or maybe, maybe you were always in love with her." She whispered, her voice full of emotion as she finally let the tears fall freely down her face.

"Brooke." He said softly as he made a move to comfort her, but once again she moved away, this time towards the door. Apart of him knew what she was saying was true.

"No Lucas. I can't keep on doing this anymore. I can't keep letting you hurt me, so just go." She said sadly.

"Brooke you don't mean that." He had already lost Peyton a few weeks ago, so Brooke was almost all he had, and now that was about to be gone.

"I do Lucas. I need a break. We need a break. With the week off from school we have now, I'm gonna go back to California and visit my parents for a few days. I just need to get away from Tree Hill for a while. Hey who knows maybe you'll prove me wrong and things can finally go back to normal again." She whispered tearfully as she opened up the door.

"But right now you need to figure out just where your heart is."

He took one final look at Brooke, who was trying her absolute best not to break down in front of him. At this point, he didn't want to lose her, but he knew she was right. They just didn't have it.

"Brooke you know that I–"

"Don't." She stopped him before he could say those words. The words that she wanted to hear and didn't at the same time.

He nodded, and then he finally went out of the door, and maybe finally out of Brooke's life. He had his chance to make things right now, but he still just didn't know how.

_I don't care about you  
I try not to think about you  
I don't care about you anymore  
The people got tired  
Our movies don't play much anymore  
The actress was fired

* * *

I hope I didn't make Brooke too vindictive, but I was just thinking about the finale, and how she over reacted, so I had to incorporate it here in this story. Thank you all for the positive reviews, they keep me motivated, so I guess that's it for now._


End file.
